The Russel home

[Danny Dubois]

You need someone who makes you happy.

He blushed.

Looking down, Danny took his hat off and ran his hand back through his hair. It took a second, but he'd quite suddenly pulled his head back up and bit his lower lip awkwardly in thought. "Well see that's the thing.." he said, giggling a bit at the thought of her thinking he'd found her another guy. She was so silly. "Es.. do you know Jett Cadwell? I mean I figure you do, you're both juniors," he tried, making a bit more of a serious face. He noticed her nod, but she still looked awfully confused. It was clear she still thought he was trying to hook her up with some dude. "Alright well.. he was over at my dorm last night and.. and I dunno, man. I just.. I can't stop thinking about him." He smiled cutely, still rubbing the back of his head with his elbow perched atop the back of the couch. Cheeks hot, he snorted and blinked hard as Jett fluttered around his mind. It was so hard to get such a cute guy out of his mind.

"We were just chilling like bros and playing Call of Duty and shit, eating pizza and all that and.. and I dunno. He looked at me and I just, I just.." quite like a puppy, Danny looked up into Esme's eyes. "Is something wrong with me? Like, why do I feel this way, Es?"

[Esme Russel]

Of course Esme knew Jett! She practically knew everyone! And she was best friends with his younger sister, Kylie. She was even more confused as he began talking about how he was hanging out with him the other day and couldn't stop thinking about him.. And he was blushing! It was honestly one of the cutest things that she had ever seen in her life but there was a pit in the bottom of her stomach because, to her knowledge, Jett Cadwell was not gay although she hadn't thought that Danny could be either.

"Oh Danny..." She had that tone.. The one that your mother uses when you get hurt or when you lose at something and you're disappointed... She was wonderful at this kind of thing, the nurturing 'it's going to be okay' thing. "It's normal to have feelings for someone of the same gender and that doesn't mean that you're gay. I mean.. I have had feelings for other women before but if you aren't straight and you do realize that you like guys then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that." She knew that there would be people telling Danny otherwise if he came out so she wanted to let him know now how normal that these feelings are.

But not everyone felt that way and that was what scared her in this situation. What if Danny did tell Jett how he felt based on her awful advice and he reacted badly? What if everyone found out and he was forced to come out before he was ready? What if.. What if she was wrong and Jett did like him? "I can't say that Jett likes you back or that you two are going to be together but I can say that if he makes you happy then you should go for it... Always." What ifs exist for everything, she rationalized this as she spoke, and sometimes it's worth the risk. What if she hadn't taken the risk with Jonathan back in the day?

She wouldn't be the happily married woman that she was right now. Or what if she had been so scared of peoples' reactions to her pregnancy that she hid it and got an abortion? "Just be careful and I'm not saying that because he's a guy.. I'm saying it because I never ever want you to be hurt but ... Look at Dallas and I.. I mean yeah we broke up but he and I took a risk being together and it was hard as hell but it was worth or Jon and I or Kegan and Thalia or Carol and Wyatt... Love is taking risks and you deserve love.. real true love with whoever you fall for whether they have a penis or a vagina. Love is love."

[Danny Dubois]

Danny smiled and leaned forward to put his arms around Esme's neck. "You're such a great friend," he whispered, eyes closed as he took in the whole hug. It felt nice, he felt accepted in her arms. Its not like he didn't feel accepted by anyone else, but it was nice to know that the first person he'd told about this whole Jett thing understood and accepted him.

"I'm still not sure if I'm okay with it.." he said after backing up and leaning against the couch again. "I mean, I'm gonna have to be okay with it because I guess that's who I am. But.. yknow. I just.. I don't know if I wanna accept it." He looked over at the cute little sleeping Cici. She was so precious.. snoozing away. "I'll never get to make one of those if I hitch a dude," he said, a bit sad, as he watched her sleep.

[Esme Russel]

Danny's comment about never being able to make a baby was horribly depressing to think about but Esme knew that he was right. Two men don't have the necessary parts to give life to a tiny human. What do you even say to that? Usually she would gush about how wonderful motherhood is but that seemed rather insensitive at the moment. Sure there was surrogates and adoption but there was something special knowing that you and your partner made that beautiful baby through one of the most amazing things in the world.

"I love Cici and I would never ever say I wish I had been older when I had her because the timing was perfect just the way it was but not everyone feels that way." She nodded slowly and tried to think of what she was going to say next. "If you marry a guy then you'll be able to wait until you're ready for children... There's surrogates and if you ever needed it...." She paused as she heard soft whimpering from the playpen so she slowly lifted her still groggy daughter. "If you ever needed it then I would be your surrogate."

[kat]

Kat was proud of herself for this. She was doing the right thing. Carol promised her that Esme was actually a good person, you just had to get past the surface flaws to see it. Surface flaws. That's all it is. And everyone has them. Though...Kat was sure her own flaws went way deeper than just the surface.
She knocked on the door, box in hand with her little gift for Esme and family. Carol helped make it. And by helped she did the whole thing. Except for the writing on top. Kat did that herself. Apparently Esme had a habit of making sweets for everyone, but no one ever makes her something. She remembered when she made her bacon pancakes all those months ago...

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door to their town house. She ran over her speech in her head again, hoping Esme didn't take one look at the cake and throw it at her face. Though she deserved it, but...she still hoped it didn't happen.

[Esme Russel]

Despite the fact that she was dying of sick with the flu, Jonathan still had to work because Foot Locker simply didn't understand that his seventeen year old wife and infant daughter needed him! But they needed the money and she really could handle things here at home alone, she just didn't want to! Cici was down for her afternoon nap so Esme was planning on laying on the couch with Unicorn and Riley and maybe taking a nap herself. Damn... Who could possibly be at the door? She was fairly certain that it was likely Dallas or Mark or even Gavin or Gin since she had been whining that she was sick to anyone who would listen for the past few days.

She was not expecting it to be Kat when she looked out the peep hole in the door.. Damn... She wouldn't admit it but the sight of the other girl made her want to curl up in the fetal position and never come out. What if she was here to kill her? So, she called Jon knowing that it would immediately go to voice mail and left a message that could freak him out. "'Babe.. If I'm dead when you get home, it's because I was murdered by Dallas and his sexy Latina girlfriend." She had just watched Love's deadly triangle so she wasn't taking any chances.

She was half tempted to pick Cici up just because she didn't think that Kat could kill her if she was holding her daughter but that was a risk that she just couldn't take so she womaned up and answered the door alone. "Hello Kat...?" Maybe.. Maybe she wasn't here to kill her? Maybe she was just looking for Dallas? She cleared her throat and kept her eyes on her fuzzy pink slippers.

[kat]

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Kat slapped a smile on her face when she saw the other girl. She wanted to seem warm and inviting, but she probably just looked insane.
"Hi, Esme!" Her voice sounded so chipper, she almost didn't believe it came from her own throat. "I...I came over here to apologize. I've been...going though a lot, and...I'm not sure why, but I've been taking it out on you."
Why was this so hard to say? It was just a simple apology, right? Well...maybe not. She felt like with everything she'd put this girl through, she deserved an explanation.

"I um...it's kind of a long story, can I come in?" Why was Esme still not looking at her? She was being nice! "I'm not going to hurt you or anything...I made you a cake. Well...Carol made a cake, so you know it's safe. But I wrote on it." She looked down at the cake box and read the words out loud.
"I'm sorry I'm a grumpy bitch. And...I am. Really, really sorry. It was really messed up. I don't expect you to forgive me, but...I just think you deserve an explanation, and Carol said your good with secrets, so..." she shrugged, and felt her cheeks turn pink. She was making a fool of herself and she knew it.

[Esme Russel]

An apology? Esme hadn't been expecting that at all but she wasn't going to be a bitch and reject this because Dallas was obviously in love with Kat.. He hadn't said anything to her about it but she just had this feeling that Kat could be the one for him which was both heart warming and gut-wrenchingly sad. It wasn't that she wanted to be with Dallas again because she didn't... She saw him as a brother now more than anything but it was just weird thinking that he could have fallen for someone so quickly when she had been there since eighth grade and she was just a vagina.. A year and she was still a vagina to stick his ding dong in.

But that was the past and this was the future.. The future where she was married to the love of her life and Dallas was happy with Kat. "Oh! I love cake... Thank you and of course you can come in.. Um Cici is napping in her bedroom so you don't have to worry too much about being too quiet." She shrugged as she stepped aside and let Kat inside of the townhouse.. What if she was just here to trick her? No.. She had to think positively about this! "Do you want to sit down? Or I can fix you something from the kitchen?" She was worried.. Really worried.

Had Kat and Dallas had sex? They hadn't discussed that in much detail... What if Kat was pregnant? She wouldn't know what to say because she honestly wouldn't know how to keep something like that from her best friend... But... she couldn't.... She just had to pray that wasn't it. "And it's really fine, Kat.. I said a lot worse about you to Dallas when you first started because I was jealous of you because he seems like he really cares even then.. well not exactly worse things but it's what girls do.. I guess."

[kat]

Kat walked in the house and looked around, "This looks really nice, Esme." Well wasn't this awkward? She handed Esme the cake, and then sat down on the couch.
"I'm fine, thanks," she said to her offer for her to make her something. "I heard you're sick? I hope you feel better soon. If I'd thought about it I would have brought soup or something..." She let her voice trail off and there was another awkward silence.

She sighed and looked down at her hands, "My mom's in prison. Aaaand...she's been on death row since I was four. She shot my dad when my sister and I were hiding in the closet. And when they arrested her, she was linked to some other gang related stuff and..." she shrugged, not really feeling like going into all the details. She didn't want to cry again.
"When you're on death row, you get chances to appeal it over and over again, but after awhile...they just set the date. And my mom's is the twenty-second of September. I found out right before we came back for school."
She looked up at Esme, right in the eyes to show her how sincere she was being. "I don't know why I took everything out on you, Esme, but I did. I was angry, and scared, and just...just really, really sad. And I guess I'm one of those people who lashes out when they're unhappy, I don't know. And maybe I was jealous of you because Dallas...well, you know your history." She looked down. She didn't want to say because Dallas loved you, because she didn't want to think about that. They'd just said it for the first time yesterday, and she wanted to keep that special. She didn't want to think about his past relationships.

"Whatever my reason, I was wrong. I should never have said those horrible things I did, and I shouldn't have told you to kill yourself. I have no idea what I was thinking and I certainly don't deserve your forgiveness, and definitely not your friendship.I just..." she bit her lip. "I just thought you deserved to know. I'm not...I'm not totally awful. At least I don't think so. I mean...I have enough good in her to keep Dallas, right?" She smiled thinking of him, and grabbed onto the necklace he gave her almost a year ago for Winter Formal. It seemed silly, but she still wore it everyday.
She smiled brighter at Esme, "He really is amazing...I don't know how I got so lucky. He deserves so much better than me...someone like you." She looked down, getting upset again. "But I'm glad you have Jon, and I love that you and Dallas are best friends. He's like your Kegan. I get it." She smiled again, weaker this time.

[Esme Russel]

Esme's jaw almost dropped at Kat's announcement that her mother was on death row for shooting her father ... What kind of a mother could do that to her child? She didn't want to risk saying the wrong thing but saying nothing at all could be just as bad. "That's so .... " Horrible? Intense? Painful? She didn't have the best relationship with her mother in the world but she couldn't imagine having to experience something like this. "It's perfectly understandable, Kat... Honestly, I would do the same if I was in your situation because there's no right or wrong way to handle that... I know that you didn't mean it when you said that I should kill myself and I didn't tell Dallas because I wanted to get you in trouble or have him break up with you.. I just... He's my best friend in the entire world and I tell him things.. I tell him everything." She let out a small sigh and tried to think of something that would make her seem like less of a loser. Why couldn't she offer better advice? Why was she always so horrible at this? She cleared her throat in hopes that something magical would come to her but nothing did not until Kat said that Dallas deserved someone better... Someone like her. Did she really believe that? That she and Dallas deserved each other in some way?

"Dallas doesn't want someone like me... Dallas wants someone like you who is strong and independent and.. I was never what he needed. He and I were together for a year and four months and he never ever looked at me like he looks at you.. He's in love with you, Kat and I know how great it feels to be with him so I understood if you were trying to keep him or jealous of our history because it seems like something special when we talk about it... But it wasn't always sunshine and roses." She frowned and looked down at her nails, "He's a great guy... He wasn't always a great boyfriend. We fought like idiots and we never resolved issues... It was two speeds with us and that's not what love is at least not the kind that lasts." She wasn't really sure where she was going with this anymore... "You know.. There was a time for like... a month when I thought I was pregnant with Dallas's baby.. I mean I wasn't but .... it's a big part of why we broke up because I was moody and scared but I didn't tell him and he got irritated and we just stopped having fun together... I never told him because I wasn't planning on having the baby if I was." She said it so weakly that she wasn't sure if Kat would hear it. "He deserves someone like you who would be brave and tell him... someone who he respects because he never respected me like he does you. You know he cheated a couple times, right? He'd never cheat on you.. ever... I think that he would rather die than hurt you."

She wasn't saying this because she wanted Kat to feel bad for her; she wanted Kat to understand that whatever she and Dallas had wasn't anything compared to what they had now. "It's better this way, Kat.. With you and him and Jon and I so don't even think about what he and I did or had... It's over. I love Dallas like .... he's my rock sometimes but he's not my soul mate and I think you're his." She offered her a small smile before looking over to make eye contact to show how honest she was being. "And if he ever cheats or lies to you then let me know and I will personally castrate him." She laughed to try and lighten the mood.. Maybe this was bonding...

Maybe there was a chance that they could be friends after all!