The Russel home

[kat]

Kat couldn't help but laugh. Carol was right, Esme was really sweet. How could she hate her? She was seriously one of the most charming and understanding individuals she'd ever encountered, why did she have such an awful reputation.

"Okay, I'm going to hug you now," she said before she put her arms around the other girl and gave her a squeeze. She only wanted to warn her because she didn't want her to think she was going to kill her or something.
"Thanks for listening, Esme. I don't deserve your time with how awful I've been, but...yeah, thanks." She smiled again and let go of her, sitting now at an appropriate distance.

She thought a little more about what Esme said about Dallas. "I think...I think I really do love him. I've never had someone treat me like he does. I mean, Kegan was always great, but he never wanted to be with me. And the only other guy I was with seriously was a total ass, so..." she shrugged. "Dallas is just...he means everything to me. I can't imagine myself without him, I mean..."
She lowered her voice as if someone was actually listening in, "I refused to sleep with him for like six months and he didn't leave me. That's huge. And..." she looked down and felt herself blush. "Yesterday was our first time. It was...it wasn't just like having sex, you know? It was like...I don't know. An act of love I guess?" She shrugged. "That sounded totally cheesy, but it's true. It must be like that with you and Jon, right?"

This felt like actual girl talk which was never something she got. It was too awkward with Thalia because of her and Kegan's past, and Carol only ever went on about how amazing the sex with Wyatt was, it was hard to believe. She had a feeling that she talked love and shit with Thalia, but for some reason it was only ever 'Wyatt's penis is so big, blahblahblah'. She appreciated having someone like Esme — someone down to earth and seemingly on the same page as her — to talk with.
Maybe they really could be friends.

[Esme Russel]

The way that Kat talked about Dallas made Esme smile because she understood those feelings. "It's special when you love someone because it's more than sex. It's fully giving yourself to someone else and trusting them not to abuse it and sex is.. It makes you vulnerable if that makes sense because.. I know at least that I never felt really awesome about my body or how I look in the mirror when I'm showering and Jon makes me feel like I'm gorgeous.. And I know that he's been with like Thalia and she's so pretty but he still makes me feel like the best." She kind of liked this.. Girl talk thing. She didn't really have anyone to talk to like this.. She had mostly guy best friends but they don't always understand and she felt odd talking to Carol and Gin about sexual things sometimes given their histories. She almost wanted to get more personal and she was about to when she heard the soft whimpering coming from the nursery indicating that Cici was awake now. "Um.. I'll be right back."

She smiled as she stepped into the nursery and lifted Cici up from her crib.. She had been through a lot this past year but seeing Cici smiling up at her like that made everything worth it. But would she feel the same if there was a second baby growing inside of her uterus? Could she possibly love another child as much as she did her first? She wasn't sure if she ever wanted another baby and now she was being faced with the chance when she was definitely not ready. She had to tell someone... Someone unbiased like Kat...

She stepped back into the living room with Cici in her arms and let out a small sigh, "Okay... Don't judge or anything because I know how stupid that it was now but.... Jon and I had really unprotected sex after we got back together about four weeks ago and I haven't got my period and I feel... I feel off like I might be... I think I'm pregnant again." Think? She was almost one hundred percent sure.. she just needed to take the test. "This is going to sound weird because we aren't close yet but I need someone who won't be like Carol wouldn't understand if I wanted an abortion and Gin ... I just need someone who would be unbiased on all of this.. Would you.. Do you think it'd be too weird if we walked over to the gas station and picked up a couple of tests? I'll order us pizza?"

She honestly didn't know how she even felt right now. Did she want this baby? She knew logically that Jonathan would stick around but she was still scared. She was always scared that he would leave when things got rough even though he promised to not do that.. Maybe she was just fucked up. How else could she get pregnant twice?

[kat]

Kat smiled at Cic when Esme brought her out, and then raised her eyebrows when she admitted that she might be pregnant again.
"Well," she said after a long pause. "That's...I mean, they do say that like a quarter of teen moms get pregnant within two years of the first so..." she shrugged. It didn't seem that uncommon. She thought it sucked that Esme might just be another statistic, but...
"I don't mind going with you, and I'm always up for pizza so..." She smiled and stood up off of the couch to leave whenever Esme was ready.

-----

She knocked on the bathroom door after what felt like forever. She remembered when she was with Jimmy they had one pregnancy scare, and it was the most terrifying thing she'd ever been through. Clearly she wasn't pregnant, but if she had been...she probably would have gotten an abortion. Jimmy never would have stuck around, and she didn't want a child anyway.
"Esme?" she called through the door. She glanced over at Cici who was playing in the middle of the living room floor. It was easy to see how everyone loved that kid. Of course she was a bit biased with Kegan's children, but still. Cici was adorable.
"Is everything okay? You're not like...dead or anything, right? I'm pretty sure I'd be blamed if you were, so...please don't die," it was a weak attempt at humor, but she tried. She could practically feel the tension on the other side of the door, so she wanted to do anything to lighten the mood.

[Esme Russel]

With Cici, Esme had bought three pregnancy tests from the Dollar Store and they only had one brand so it was easy but the gas station had two different brands and she wasn't sure which one was going to be more relible so she purchased five - three of one and two of another. The cheaper test took three minutes and the more expensive one took five.. It'd been six since she took them and she was honestly too scared to look. She knew that she was going to have to see it eventually because she didn't want to live her life wondering if she was pregnant for the next eight months and see if she popped a baby out of her vagina. But what if Jonathan found out that she was having a baby and left her for it? He was an amazing father to Cici but maybe that was a fluke.. Maybe he wouldn't be able to handle the stress of two children in high school.

She finally glanced down and gasped... Pregnant.. Very pregnant. She was close to a panic attack when she heard Kat at the door. She was right.. If she died then Kat would definitely be blamed.. She opened the door with a small sigh and pointed to the tests while shaking the other one like it was an etch - e- sketch that she could change the results to. "I can't be pregnant.. Jon and I are always so careful except that one time.. We only did it one time without protection and we use condoms... Expensive name brand condoms!" She was just nervous so she was rambling about the price of condoms when she should be talking about the price of an abortion. She couldn't...

She couldn't bring a baby into the world knowing that she couldn't afford it like she needed to. "Ugh.. Fuck.. He is going to be so pissed when he finds out... Jon doesn't want a second baby right now! We talked about this when we got married and if he leaves me.... Oh my God.." She glanced into the living room at Cassidy and smiled weakly, "She deserves better than a life full of suffering because I'm irresponsible." Irresponsible was just one of the many words that people would use to describe her when this came out in the burn blog which she knew it would.. Everything always ended up on there even personal private things like a pregnancy.

She couldn't understand why Kegan didn't jump for joy at the idea of another baby when he and Thalia found out about Cole because they were in love but she and Jon were married and she didn't want this baby. She, at this moment, saw the thing inside of her uterus as a parasite that was leaching off of her body and trying to ruin her life and the lives of everyone around her. "Jon has college next year and I have to graduate and I can't have a second baby... I wonder how much an abortion is..." Was she really going to go through with that?

[kat]

Kat half smiled and grabbed Esme's wrist to stop her from shaking the tests. "That ain't no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, Homeskillet."
She looked down at the little sticks, and yep. There is was. Five plus signs. She sighed, "Well...last time I checked, they're about five hundred dollars. I'm assuming you don't have that kind of money right now, but think about it: it's five hundred now, or thousands of dollars in eight months."

She let go of Esme's wrist, "I'm not telling you to get an abortion. I'm just saying...think about your family. This baby could totally be awesome just like Cici, but you want them both to have good lives. It wouldn't be fair to the kid if you couldn't afford it."
She looked over at the baby in the room, "Either one of them." Esme seemed like she needed a hug, and even though Kat didn't normally do that, she felt like they were becoming besties so maybe she could let it go this one time.
She wrapped her arms around the small girl, feeling like a weird version of a parent. "Whatever you decide...it'll be okay. Things always find a way to work out. No matter how shitty." She let go of her, and smiled, trying to seem supportive. After everything she'd put Esme though, it was the least she could do.

[Esme Russel]

It wouldn't be fair to Cici if she had this baby but it wouldn't be fair to Jonathan if she just did this without even asking him if he wanted to have the baby. It might have been her baby, her body and her choice but had helped. Getting pregnant was a team effort! It had taken her eggs and his Jon-poles in order to do this so why would she be the one who made the choice alone? "I have to talk to Jon ... I have to tell him that I'm pregnant and that I don't know if we're having the baby or if that's even a responsible choice. I know that he would probably learn to be happy and love the baby because he's a great but we broke up when I was eight months pregnant last time and I don't want to do that again. I was alone from eight months last month basically." She placed her hands over her stomach. (though it was obviously still completely flat, not even a little bloat) "I'd only be like four weeks along because that's the only time he and I weren't careful..."

What would people say? The reactions to her first pregnancy had been mixed but nothing that she couldn't handle.. But now? What was her excuse? "Cici is still a baby, too.. Jon and I don't even have her swing anymore.. I gave everything that was too small for her or that she was too old for away so like breast pump, sling, bouncer, newborn clothes.. Cloth diapers.... I'm so stupid to be going through this again. It's like Jon and I can't be responsible.. I mean.. Life is so good for us right now and we're happy but this could be the best or worst thing in the world." What if it was the best thing ever? What if she was carrying a future doctor or lawyer? Or a rapist.. Or the next Hitler.....

She was seriously doubting that she could actually go through with an abortion when she had Cici staring at her with her big blue eyes, "She's an amazing kid, you know? I mean I know you probably don't want kids now or in the near future but she's an awesome kid.. She lights up a room when she smiles and she babbles and it's like she knows that she's special. Could I really risk giving that up? What if not having this baby means giving up a chance to have one just like her?" She glanced from her daughter to the tests and sighed, "Are you and Dallas... Did you guys use a condom?"

[kat]

Kat laughed a little, "Of course we used a--" Wait. Did they? Her smile faded as she tried to think back to him putting one on. She tried with everything in her to remember him opening the packet but she couldn't.
She looked back at Esme, knowing that her face showed everything. She shook her head, "We...I'm on the shot I'm fine I--" she thought back to the last time she got the shot. Maybe...April? Shit. She couldn't even remember.
So basically they had no source of protection whatsoever. True, he'd pulled out, but that was kind of sketchy still.

"Fuck," she said after a moment, letting her eyes close. Another pregnancy scare. "Well isn't this just awesome? I better not be pregnant for I'm flinging myself down some stares." She leaned against the wall and looked over at Esme.
"I think we just because best friends," she smiled weakly at her, but she felt like she could just cry. Even the thought of being pregnant was awful. She had been in such a good mood before this whole conversation happened, and now she was terrified.

[Esme Russel]

"You're probably fine, Kat.. I mean the chances of you being pregnant are slim and if you are then there's options out there like adoption, abortion... Keeping the baby is probably not something you want which is understandable but that's.... there, too and there's help for pregnant teenagers like support groups even if you abort." Esme had done a lot of research about this when she was pregnant and bored in the waiting room at her doctor's office... All the magazines had been so old that she was forced to read the informational packets they kept in there.

"If we're both pregnant then.... Then Jon and Dallas will have to become best friends, too." She let out a weak laugh in hopes of lighting the mood. "You know it's not all bad, right? There's fun to being pregnant like you can cut in line and nobody yells if you're huge?" She wasn't sure if the pro made up for all of the bad things, "And don't like base your choice on this but.. Dallas would be a really great daddy one day if that's now or seven years from now and he might not think so but he's so good with Cici like super uncle." She wasn't sure how to be supportive without knowing if Kat was pregnant.

"It can take four to six weeks after conception to show a positive or negative. It's four weeks when it has a heart beat so if you go to a doctor then that will be when you can.. hear it... There can be signs as early as two weeks like tenderness in your boobs or sick at all which is the more obvious one and no period, of course and moody, too. Just.. don't stress because that will delay your period which I'm sure you know and if you are pregnant then... everything happens for a reason even things like this."

[kat]

"This is awful," Kat moaned and slid down the wall. "Imagine: We both get pregnant and everyone thinks we started a pregnancy pact. We'll be the new whores of Somerset." She didn't even laugh at her own dumb joke because it felt too real to be funny. She was just another statistic.

"My Nana is going to murder me. I can hear her now." She imitated her grandmother's voice (complete with thick Mexican accent) to show Esme what she meant. "'Kathleen, you little slut! How dare you disgrace this family? You're just as bad as your whore mother. Sara Sofia would never shame us like this! Puta asquerosa.'" She sighed and looked up at her new found ally.
"I don't know what I'm going to do if I'm pregnant. I just have a feeling that Dallas would leave me if I aborted it. He's too much of a bleeding heart. I couldn't do that to him. I just don't think I'm ready for this." She felt like she could cry, just thinking about the possibility of being pregnant. And it hadn't even been twenty four hours.

Wait!

She gasped and looked up at Esme with some sort of hope. "Plan B!" She exclaimed and jumped up. "The morning after pill! Fuck yes, there is a God!" She grabbed Esme's wrists and tried to get her as excited as she suddenly was.
"Come with me! Please! I've never had to buy it before so I don't know how...and I'm not seventeen yet, so you're going to have to get it for me. There's no way I can get my grandmother's permission." She paused, "Pleeeeease?" She asked with a cheesy smile.

[Esme Russel]

Esme couldn't imagine Dallas handling the woman that he loved aborting their baby so she was willing to do whatever it took to make sure that Kat didn't have to make that and ..... the girl was sixteen! She knew better than anyone how terrifying and judgmental the world is for a pregnant sixteen year old and Kat didn't have her mother nor did it sound like she had much support from the rest of her family. Cooper was a major ass hole sometimes but he genuinely loved Cici and would more than likely accept and embrace this baby as well. "How can I say no to that after you went with me to get pregnancy tests?"

How horrible and hypocritical would that be?

-----

Taking Cici with her and buying plan B was definitely not something that Esme had ever planned on doing and she got some interesting looks to say the least. Some looked at her like they pitied her because she was a young married woman buying emergency contraceptives but others... others looked at her like she was a dirty whore. How could anyone look at her in her lounge clothes and think slut?

Whatever... this wasn't about her; it was about protecting Kat and Dallas from this future. "Okay.... here's the package and a glass of water. I know some people need water to swallow pills..." She trailed off as she handed the objects to Kat. Cici was safe on the floor playing with Riley well... she was giggling and Riley was licking her so sort of playing.

"If this doesn't work and you are pregnant then I just want you to know that you have Jon and my support." She knew making promises for Jon was wrong but he was a good guy... he would understand. "But hopefully this works and you aren't... Dallas... I can't... if you had to abort then I can't imagine... I can see him being upset and if he cried or was sad then it would be heartbreaking."

Like a sad puppy!