Jonsme || Foot Locker

[Esme Russel]

Things had been so much easier the first time around when she got to make the majority of the choices regarding her pregnancy. Esme had just told Jonathan that she was pregnant and having the baby without any thought to his feelings on the matter but now.. Now they were a married couple and his opinion mattered, too. His opinion was valid since he was the one who would be supporting their little possibly expanding family. This was suppose to be his fun senior year! And here she was.. Dragging him down once again because she was too selfish and silly to see that he deserved something better. An abortion was a logical responsible choice but she didn't know if she could actually go through with it after giving it some thought. She had grown attached to Cici the first time that she heard the heartbeat and saw the little being on the sonogram.

What if this time was the same? What if she bonded so much that she risked her family's future and her relationship for an unborn baby? Would Cici resent her for the rest of her life because she had chose to have another child? She loved Bee, Annabel and Cooper but did they feel the same way about her or would they have all rather been only children? The only real way to calm herself down about all of this was going to be telling Jonathan about the baby but he was at work... She took about half an hour before deciding that he needed to know right now even if that meant interrupting him at work to tell him. So, she got herself and Cici ready before driving down to the mall. She stalled and explored a couple of children's shops to look at newborn clothes; how were they going to go back to that? Back to a life of newborn screaming every two hours? Constant diaper changes.. Cici was finally sleeping more consistently throughout the night but a new baby would bring them back to all of those sleepless nights and all of the stress that went along with that.

She was trying to think of how to even tell Jonathan that she was pregnant again, what if she said it wrong and he reacted poorly? What if he screamed at her in front of everyone at Foot Locker? What if he could never forgive her for being so irresponsible and stupid? Or called her a whore? How could this have even happened? They were careful and used protection all but once and she was pregnant. Was she just super fertile? Or maybe he was.. Maybe this baby was a sign of something.. Fate, destiny, a miracle... something good could have come of this whole pregnancy. She was feeling just a bit more optimistic as she stepped inside of the store with Cici snuggled into her arms.

She stepped over to Jon after spotting him with a customer and waited patiently or not so patiently for the customer to finish speaking and walk away before planting a kiss on her husband's cheek. "Don't be sad, okay? But I need to tell you something. Are you too busy to talk right now about this?"

[Jonathan Russel]

Jon raised an eyebrow when he'd seen Esme had walked into the store -- looking at her all the more curiously when she'd told him not to be sad. What was it that she was about to tell him that would upset him? And why was it so important that she had to visit him at work? Looking over to Gabe, who had just finished a purchase, he glanced around for any more customers who might need assistance, then called over to the guy, "Gabe, can you get this?"

Upon getting the okay, Jon pulled Esme over to the side, "What is it, baby?" He tried not to look to worried -- it couldn't be all that bad, right? Those weren't break-up words, so she surely didn't want a divorce, god forbid... so what could this be about?

[Esme Russel]

"Um... Kat came by earlier and apologized for what she'd said and ...." Esme started but she had to stop and pause in order to think through her next words. "I took a test and this is crazy but we're having a baby." She even sang it sort of to the tune of 'Call Me Maybe'. "I'm pregnant, Jon." She felt like she had to say that just in case he didn't exactly understand what she had meant before. She glanced away from him and at Cici then down to her abdomen.

"Probably about four weeks since that's how long it's been since we .... had unprotected sex." She was trying to remind him that they hadn't used anything when they had sex right after they got back together because she hadn't been on the pill and obviously didn't have condoms with her but it'd been way too long to not just go for it. "I understand completely if you don't want this baby because I know that we aren't exactly ready but it's a serious choice." What if he really did want her to get an abortion? Could she handle disappointing him?

She let out a soft sigh and tried to think of something else.. Like puppies or rainbows or something happier than an abortion. "Would you be really upset if I wanted to have this baby and keep it?"

[Jonathan Russel]

We're having a baby...

The words echoed through Jon's mind for a moment, and he nearly fell back onto one of the benches used by customers to try on shoes, taking a seat on it, letting it sink in, eyes searching the ground for a moment for landing on Esme's stomach, biting his lip anxiously as he looked at it. The first time she'd told him she was pregnant, things were different -- they weren't in love, they weren't together, they didn't have an ounce of emotional interest in each other... but now? Now, they were married, they already had a first child, but they were still in high school. Jon busted his ass working his hours in the day, keeping up with school, and he knew Esme did too, with her job, which he already wasn't particularly sure he enjoyed her having. They couldn't be ready to have another child!

Looking up at her when she brought up keeping it, his heart sunk deep into his chest, "What?" he wasn't sure if he could get the right words out. Was she serious? His stomach turned at the thought, did they not speak about not wanting a second child just a short time ago at her father's house? Jon wasn't sure he could go through all of this again -- taking care of another baby, day in, day out, losing sleep, wishing for time to himself...

But then he looked at Esme, how worried she seemed about him being upset with her, about this, and the idea of it. Jon couldn't get angry, no -- and he wasn't. He was more stressed, than anything. A second baby at seventeen? His mind spun just thinking about it. Standing up again, he breathed out, trying to gather his thoughts together in order to form the correct words in his mouth, but it was difficult. She wanted to keep it?

"Es, I..." he shook his head, "I would never, ever force you to get rid of our child," he pursed his lips, looking down at Cici and trying to remember how happy they both had been the day Esme had given birth to her. He couldn't just tell her to get rid of a precious soul like that -- but could he really handle it? "but... keep it?" Jon scrunched his eyebrows, "I.. I don't know if we can handle that, baby, do you?"

[Esme Russel]

Jonathan's reaction to her pregnancy was far better than Esme had expected but she knew that it wasn't exactly happy either. He wasn't screaming which was something, right? Maybe he was just scared.. Had he wanted to keep Cassidy when she first told him about her? "I know that it's going to be really hard to handle another baby but we can't... I don't think I could handle an abortion and I can't imagine not keeping this baby and one day explaining that we kept the first baby but not this one." So they really didn't have many options, did they? She couldn't get an abortion and giving up the baby simply didn't work. "I'm sorry."

She wasn't sure if it would help but she repeated her apology as if it was her new mantra. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I let you down." She had let everyone down - herself, her family, Jon, Cici and their friends who had believed in them and supported them throughout her first pregnancy. "Please don't be upset with me .... Please don't be disappointed." She could feel the tears rushing to her eyes and she looked away from him. She knew how much he didn't like it when she cried and she didn't want this to be one of those times when she got away with something just because she cried. She deserved him to scream at her.. She deserved him to want to end their marriage and never speak to her again but she knew he would never.

Jon never yelled at her.. He was always so patient and understanding.. They never even argued! Was this going to be the thing that caused them to fight? "Jon... I know how upset and angry and confused and scared that you must be but .... I'm so sorry that I'm ruining your life and Cici's life and mine... and this baby's." This baby's life was worth all that? This little thing inside of her that nobody else cared about.... Maybe because she had felt like she was a little thing that nobody cared about or because Cici use to be.

She adjusted Cici in her arms and glanced around the store before looking into Jon's eyes. She wanted to see something in them that gave her the answers that she needed. "I love you and .... I'm sorry that I'm a stupid whore.. I'm sorry that I ruin everything I touch."