Binn ~ I'll try

[Finnick Radke]

www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=96220902


Finn paced his floor in the living room as he tried to calm himself down. He knew that he was just psyching himself out the more that he thought about it. He was scared what Bee was going to say. Would she get upset? Would he be angry? Or even worse, would she leave him? He knew that this was something that she'd done before from what she'd shared with him, but that only made him more nervous. He was just thinking about it too much, that's all, right? There wasn't any real need to be worrying like this! He was just being silly, yeah, that was it. With a heavy sigh, Finn walked into the kitchen and browsed through the medicine cabinet looking for his anxiety pills. He was definitely going to need at least one if he was going to do this.

He took it with a glass of water and waited on the couch until Bee showed up. Unfortunately, he couldn't just sit there like that. He ran up to his room so that he could double check everything. He'd confided in his friend Elliot on what exactly he should do. Finn wanted the night to be special seeing as they had the whole house to themselves until morning, plus this was something that Bee seemed to really want from him. He felt ready, but at the same time, he didn't. Elliot had reassured him that if he felt the urge, then he should, especially considering how Finn and Bee felt about the other. Elliot gave him a few tips on things he could do to make it special, but Finn went all out after that.

He'd gone to Hobby Lobby and bought a long line of twine, two blue mason jars and two white candles.When he got home, he hung one of the jars on the left side of his bed, the other on the right. He had lit a few others in the room, but they were small and didn't serve a very big purpose. He jumped when he heard the doorbell go off, and then lit the two candles inside the jars. This was so far out of his comfort zone, he didn't even know what to do with himself. He took a few deep breaths before straightening out his shirt and heading downstairs to greet the lady of the hour. "Hey, beautiful," He grinned as he opening the door and noticed it had gotten dark outside. Once she stepped in, he pressed his lips against her forehead and hoped that she couldn't sense how unbelievably nervous that he was now that she was there.

[Beatrice Reynolds]

(( www.polyvore.com/bee/set?id=96221809 ))

"Why are you even going?" Cooper asked with a small sigh as he readjusted himself on the couch so he could get a better view of what his older sister was doing to get ready. The siblings had a half bathroom off of the kitchen where they kept things that they'd both need like lotions, extra toilet paper and condoms. His interest was peaked when he saw that Beatrice had slipped one of them into her purse.. That little sneak. It wasn't his really his business to get involved in but he just couldn't resist. He waited patiently like he had no negative plans until she placed her purse on the couch so she could put the finishing touches on her hair. He pulled the condom out and carefully poked tiny holes into it using a pin. He was obviously going to warn her so she didn't use it though. He loved each of his nieces and his little nephew but he didn't want to be responsible for his older sister bringing a baby home especially when he lived with her and would have to put up with the screaming small human.

"Bee... I don't think that you realize what Finn being a celibate gay teenage boy means..." He mentioned once she came out of the bathroom as he held up the no longer useful condom. "What do you mean, Cooper?" She made a move to snatch it from his hand but he quickly mentioned that he'd poked holes in it and explained his 'logical' reasoning. She knew that he was right about the Finn not wanting sex part so she let out a heavy sigh and just headed out the door. Almost everything about her boyfriend was perfect other than the absolute lack of sex. She didn't want to be a little whore and make their entire relationship all about sex but she was getting a little desperate. Doing it herself had been working well thus far but she just wanted someone else sometimes. These fingers just weren't going to cut it much longer.

The insane amount of sexual tension that she felt on the drive over to Finn's house was so intense that she wanted to pull out and head right back home for a nice shower. She knew that her boyfriend likely had something incredibly lovely waiting for her so she wasn't going to make him wait longer than needed. She regret her choice in clothing the second that arrived and stepped out of the car. It was way too cold for shorts! She just hoped that he didn't make her wait too long at the door or she'd probably become a Bee-popsicle. Maybe he'd lick her then. Where in the hell were all of these dirty thoughts even coming from? She wasn't Esme!

She was relieved when he let her inside the house. She hadn't even looked at him really before whining out, "Baby, I'm cold. Can we go lay in your bed?" She didn't want to pressure him into anything with this - she really just wanted a blanket. "Oh honey... You look nice and you smell good. What exactly do you have for me?"

[Finnick Radke]

It really wasn't helping that Bee was wearing short shorts because he'd seen her body and that alone was enough to make him hot. His medication was starting to take effect because he was slowly calming down so that was nice. He chuckled to himself at Bee's question if they could go to his room. She hadn't the slightest idea and that amused him because it only made his surprise that much more of a surprise and coming from him, a guy who was so emotionally and mentally fucked up, made it kind of special. He seriously wanted nothing more than to give Bee everything he could to see her happy and this was something that actually meant a lot to him. Probably a lot more than most other guys his age who just wanted to get it in and get out. "We can go up to my room, sure." Finn said with a small smile.

He gently ran his fingers over her arm when she asked what he had to show her. "Well, Mom and Parker are out for the night, so I thought we could have a night just to ourselves." Finn took her hand and started to lead her up the stairs. "C'mon, I'll show you." Once they were at his door, Finn opened it and lead her inside. He'd even made extra sure to clean his room and get her a beautiful little bouquet of flowers which he had in a vase on his dresser. He sucked on his bottom lip as she looked around, anxious for her reaction. Would she think it cheesy? Would she not like it all together? Would she get the hint that he wanted to share something special?

"Is it too much? I mean.. if you don't like it, I can get rid of it." He said, backing up a step. Why was he so fixated on making sure that she was content? Wasn't that what good boyfriends were supposed to do? That's what his mother had taught both of her boys. "I just.. I wanted to thank you.. y'know, for everything you've done for me." Finn stepped towards her and wrested his arms on her shoulders, connecting his hands behind her neck. "Bee, I.. Well, I know that it hasn't been easy on you and I never meant to drag you into all of this, but you still stayed and that really does mean a lot to me. You're so perfect and I just want to show you how much I love you." Finn said, his face just inches from hers. He leaned down to kiss her, not even giving her the chance to speak. It was all still so new to him, but he was trying. In case she hadn't gotten his message, Finn started to kiss at her jaw, then down her neck as his hands trailed down her side and to her hips, slightly pulling her against him.

[Beatrice Reynolds]

Beatrice really didn't think that anything special was going to happen tonight. It wasn't like they needed to do extra romantic things every single time that they saw each other. She was content just laying in his bed with a movie on sometimes, mostly because she knew that they could go out if she wanted to. He already cared enough about her to leave his comfort zone about oral sex so she felt pretty greedy expecting more so soon. She heard him mention that his mom and brother were out for the night but again, she didn't think much of it. Why pressure him into something that he definitely wasn't ready for just so she could get rejected and get her feelings hurt? Or worse, that he would give to her and regret for the rest of his life thus ruining sex for him and his chances of happily ever after with a wife or children. She simply wasn't ready for such responsibility.

"Oh my goodness." She gasped when he lead her inside of his bedroom and she actually took it all in. He'd gone all out for her which was lovely but she felt like this wasn't all. What did he have up his sleeve? Each word that he was saying was amazingly sweet and she knew that he meant every single one but it felt like the walls were slowly caving in around her. "I--" She didn't so much mind that he kissed her before she could say anything. She would have ended up just awkwardly stumbling over each word until she blurted something that she didn't quite mean. His kissing did heat her up a little bit mostly when he got down to her neck which was a major turn on for her... "Oh... Finn." She wanted this more than she thought that she did but that didn't make it right to just blindly let him do this without making sure that he was absolutely positive.

"You know that I love you so much like more than I've ever loved anyone else in my entire life and this means a lot to me. I know that you have a sexual history that is so tragic and so terrible that I feel awful for you. I would never want to be on that list, you know? I want your first time to be with the girl that you love so much that you can't imagine life without her. You might feel like I'm that girl right now but I can't... I can't do this unless you are so sure that you want this." She didn't mean to ramble or sound like she was rejecting him. She just wanted him to feel safe with her... Safe enough to tell her no even if it might hurt in the moment. He was worth waiting as long as he needed. "If you want to try tonight then that's fine but I want you to know that nothing has to happen." The aching in her panties was begging her to tell him that he didn't have to have sex with her as long as he made sure to give her some type of happy ending tonight. Desperation just isn't pretty... Look at Dallas Kennedy. Bee shook those thoughts from her head and slowly pulled away from him so she could slip out of her cardigan.

She bit down on her bottom lip before moving back close to him. She hadn't even given him the opportunity to respond before she was sticking her tongue down his throat. The hormonal must get sex now side of her was slowly taking over as she weighed the pros of this situation. Nerves, logic and responsibility could suck her figurative dick while she was hopefully sucking his literal one.

[Finnick Radke]

His heart was still racing and he was still feeling extremely anxious about doing this but he was starting to level with himself that this was what everyone went through their first time. He couldn't ask Parker about it because he knew for a fact, well, not a fact but he guessed, Parker was still a virgin apart from his hand and a dirty magazine. He wasn't even about to ask his mom for reasons that were explainable all on their own. He kind of asked Elliot, but he didn't really help seeing that he didn't say much other than to just relax and let it happen. And other than that, he was pretty much going off what he'd seen from Hollywood. Yeah, that was definitely the worst idea ever to follow, but it's all he had other than his instincts but how could he trust those with everything that his dad put him through? For all he knew, having these feelings for a female was wrong because all he'd ever experienced was male, as disturbing as that though was.

He didn't have to admit to Bee that he was obviously nervous and honestly a little scared. From what she was saying, he knew that she could sense it, or literally see that he was. She had, however, reassured him that everything would be okay if he somehow couldn't make himself go through with it which lifted a little bit of weight off of his chest. It was then when he had decided, truly decided, that he really did was to try. And before he could tell her that she was the one that he wanted to share this with, she was taking him up in a heated kiss that almost made him pull back. He didn't though, and fought off the urge so that he could just shut up and give in already.

Finn's hand tangled itself up in the back of her hair as their passionate kiss carried on. He stepped closer to her so that there wasn't any space between them and placed his other hand on her rips. He was glad that she had gotten his hints because he knew that he didn't have it in him to bluntly say what he wanted like she could. Finn pulled away for a second and ran his thumb over her cheek, not saying anything at first. "I want to. I want to try." He said in a hushed tone, just above a whisper. His eyes went from hers to the bed behind her and he wondered briefly how he was supposed to transition them to that area without asking. These were the questions Elliot was supposed to answer but didn't and now he was all on his own.

Finn simply sat on the end of it and then scooted up towards the head board. He didn't want to tell her this, but he wanted Bee on top because he didn't know what he was supposed to really do. Hell, he didn't even know when he should get the condoms from the nightstand next to the bed! He looked to Bee who was still standing there and couldn't help but think of how pretty she looked and a small smile broke out onto his lips. Finn curled his finger, gesturing for her to join him. He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her nose and then her lips before saying, "I know you want this, Bee.. and I love you more than anything.. I want to try for you, but I need to start slow.." He said, looking down and running his hand under her shirt and over her side. "I only want you."

[Beatrice Reynolds]

It took Beatrice a second to realize that Finn was attempting to hint that she was supposed to get on the bed with him. She didn't mind being on top so she wasn't upset when she did realize what he expected. She actually figured that she would end up in control one way or the other since all of this was incredibly new for him. There was no reasonable way to expect him to know everything about the process of making love. It was so much more than just the physical stuff. There were always emotions involved in sex even in the most casual encounter. Emotions ranging from love and appreciation in their case to lust and desperation. Everyone feels something from sex, right? She liked to believe that there was some magical connection when you did it with someone who really mattered. She used to think that sex with past boyfriends counted as making love but now she realized that she had no idea what making love really was.

They hadn't even done anything yet and she was already thinking about how much closer that this would bring them. Raine was always talking about how she felt so much more connected to Elliot after they had sex for the first time. She was guessing that most of that was just mushy gooey non-sense that she didn't care to hear but at least a little of it had to be true. Esme was always raving about how fantastic that Jonathan was in bed and she'd had quite a bit of experience. If anyone was an expert at sex than it was definitely her younger sister. It was strange to think that she was less experienced than her seventeen year old sister but she saw how that ended up for her - seventeen with a daughter and one on the way. She didn't want her whole life planned out before she was even twenty.

She slowly inched her way over to him and started kissing down his neck. She lifted her hands up under his shirt to toss that aside so she could plant soft kisses along his abdomen. She motioned for him to lay down with his back against his pillows while she straddled his waist. She was feeling a little guilty for taking control like this but she wasn't really going to risk ruining the mood for him with silly apologies. It seemed like Finn needed someone to really take charge and show him what to do anyway so she tried not to let herself feel too bad. Should she take this a little far and risk freaking him out by touching his private manly parts? She was going to warn him first though so he didn't stroke out in front of her.

She unzipped his pants with her teeth which was a skill that took a bit of practice to perfect looking sexy at.. Talk about awkward when she got walked in on doing that in front of a mirror! She slipped his jeans down along with his boxers before moving to gently stroke his member. "You are so massive, baby." She'd seen it before and she would by lying if she even tried to say that he was the biggest that she'd ever seen but he didn't need to know that. She was getting a little lost in her own thoughts and her stroking was getting more intense than she meant it to be. She forgot that she was doing this to get him used to it being touched.

[Finnick Radke]

Was Finn seriously considering backing out right now? He felt like he was going even before she started kissing down his neck. He liked the feeling and the sensations that came along with it, but she was doing exactly what he didn't want her to do. She wasn't exactly going slow like he knew that he needed if he was going to do this, but he was still trying to keep up. Wait.. where was she going? Oh.. oh that's where she was headed. Finn tipped his head forward so that he could watch what she was doing. For any other guy, they probably would have been aching with her little trick, but Finn.. he wasn't most guys. It kind of scared him a little bit for her to be so assertive like she was being, but he wasn't going to say anything unless he absolutely had to. He was tired of being this sheltered little soul that was scared to do anything new because he father a sick fuck. 

His face turned bright red when she mentioned something about his penis, and he kind of felt like dying a little bit. He was sure that his heart was going to beat right out of his chest! It would have felt extremely nice if he wasn't so tensed up and starting to have a flashback from the night that seemingly changed everything and landed him in the hospital. Finn could see everything as if it was just happening a few hours before. He could feel the pain, he could feel his bones breaking, and he could feel his dad's hands touching him where Bee was. He was rough and relentless, and he could feel the panic setting in. He hadn't realizing that his eyes squeezed shut and he was gripping the bed comforter with one hand.

Finn's breathing had substantially increased and he was starting to freak out. He had to let her know before he went past the point of fixing his episode. "Bee~" He started, but his voice sounded more like an excited moan which confused him. He cleared his throat and leaned up to reach for her arm, "Bee.. easy.." Finn pleaded, which she could probably see all over his face. He hoped that she understood without him saying anything else. He was okay now that his brain was catching up with his body. It was only her. His dad was locked away in some penitentiary, and Finn was here with his girlfriend. That was okay. He was okay.

[Beatrice Reynolds]

Beatrice was confusing all of Finn's nervous cues for pleasured ones. She assumed that the heavy breathing along with the clenching of the sheets was out of pleasure. She'd never done this to someone who didn't enjoy it so she was surprised when he pleaded with her and she could suddenly see it on his face that he wasn't liking this. She wasn't pleasing him - she was the monster who was hurting him. How was she any better than his sick twisted father? Both of them were people who were supposed to protect Finn and make him feel loved and now she, too, had seemed to hurt him sexually. She jumped off of the bed like his penis had turned into a monster wanting to attack her. She couldn't do this! There was no way in hell that she would be able to enjoy having sex with him if they did it now.

"I can't do this, Finn! I... want to but we can't do this. You aren't ready and I don't want to hurt you." She didn't understand how something that was supposed to come so naturally was so hard for them to accomplish. Had she failed him or was he failing her? Or, were they just not connecting like they should be? She assumed before that sex with him would be that magical making love kind but now she was questioning everything. He couldn't handle her touching his penis with her hands so how was he going to do it when he literally felt himself inside of her body? Most people would want that with the person that they loved like Elliot and Raine or Esme and Jonathan. Was their relationship doomed to fail?

She didn't want to break up because she could imagine a future with him but this just wasn't happening. She couldn't spend the rest of her life feeling like she was this terrible person and constantly comparing herself sexually to his father. How sick! It wasn't like she wanted to be like his father, of course, but she felt like she basically replaced him. He had stopped torturing Finn just in time for his selfish horny girlfriend to. Well, she wasn't so much horny anymore. Did she even want this? She wasn't in the mood. She felt like she was disgusting. She just wanted to take a shower and then eat some waffles. He'd obviously put a lot of effort into planning this evening so it went perfectly but she couldn't do it.

She wasn't going to molest him. Bee let out a heavy sigh and glanced at various things in the room. She was just trying to not look at her boyfriend. What if he was disappointed? He clearly believed that he was ready but she just didn't. "I know that you wanted this but I can't rape you. I touch you and you want me to stop. I can't risk this. It's blurring the lines between consensual and rape which is just not okay with me. You didn't like me touching you and this just isn't working for either of us." She couldn't end up in jail if he regret doing this and decided to press charges. Maybe Cooper was right.. Maybe Finn just wasn't as into vaginas as he had seemed.

If felt like they were both trying and fighting so hard to save something that was just going to fail. Their sex life just wasn't going to exist. She could live without it for now and there was a small chance that he could one day be ready to do this but she didn't think that it was going to happen tonight. She didn't mind so much anymore. She wasn't aching for his touch like she had been a couple of minutes ago.

[Finnick Radke]

Great. Now he'd scared her away because he couldn't make himself relax and enjoy what his girlfriend was willingly doing for him. He wondered how many guys would kill to be in the position he was just in or even more so, about to be in and yet here he was just throwing it out the window like it was nothing. This was going to be a lot harder that he anticipated it would be. When she let go of him and jumped backwards, he was quick to toss the edge of the blanket over himself because he felt weird being naked, even by himself. "Bee, I didn't~" He started. What did she mean she couldn't do this? This wasn't her fault! This was all him. Just him being stupid and shy and pushing his brain further than it wanted to go because that's what he needed to do if he was ever going to get over it.

"No, no, no, no, no, Bee. I did.. I did like it.. I just.." His sad, big, blue puppy eyes rested on hers. "I had a moment.. I'm sorry.. It.. it won't happen again, I promise." He pleaded, trying to persuade her to at least come near him. He knew that what might have seemed like a low rejection might have killed anything she was feeling, but he really didn't mean it like that. He just needed a moment to let his mind catch up with his body and now that he had that chance, he was better! But how was he supposed to explain that to her without confusing her or sounded like a complete but case? He couldn't. And he wasn't going to try. 

Defeated, Finn put his hands inbetween his knees and looked down to the bed. "Will you at least come here?" He asked, feeling like she almost wanted to leave. When she was next to him, he laid back down and pulled most of her upper body onto his chest. He hoped the room was dark enough that she wouldn't really notice the scars on his body, especially the ones from the paddles. The room grew quiet and he came to terms that their sexy night wasn't going to happen. 

Finn traced little circles over her back as he thought of what to say. "Bee, I love you." He whispered as he stroked her hair. "I mean.. I really do and I want to show you that." He readjusted so that she was now laying on the pillow as he propped himself up on his elbow. He brought his head down, seeing how upset that she looked and he bumped his nose against hers. "I know that I said I was ready and that I would need to go slow, but I guess that my mind didn't realize just how amazing you are." He offered her a small smile and he planted a kiss on her lips. "You are so perfect, Bee. You're the only one who knows how to glue the pieces back together and I really appreciate that." He hadn't really noticed his hand trailing down to her hip until the tip of his finger lopped under the fabric. "Your smile~" He kissed her lips, "your laugh~" her jaw, "your soul.." he leaned down to kiss where her heart would be as his hand slipped up the inside of her shirt and he grazed over her ribs. 

"If it's consent you're needing from me, you have it. I don't want you to worry about me anymore.. I'll be okay as long as you're with me." Finn was now holding himself over her as he stopped his hand on the side of her bra, and was looking at her. "I want to share this memory with you right here and right now." He really wasn't sure where any of this courage was coming from but it made him feel more content with his decision. He just hoped that he hadn't missed his only chance.

[Beatrice Reynolds]

"It's not...." Beatrice didn't even know how to explain exactly what was going on in her head right now. It wasn't all about him not being ready or about this one little moment of panic that led to him once again basically rejecting her advances. She wasn't a selfish woman. She didn't typically care so much about making love and she wasn't always smart enough to even think about the future. She'd been carefree and somewhat 'innocent' during her past relationships. Dating someone with as many serious grown up issues as Finn had taught her so many things about the world. She believed for a very long time that there was good inside of everyone if you looked hard enough. She saw it in her alcoholic father when she watched him during his moments of sobriety and saw how wonderful that he was to his granddaughter. She could even see good inside of someone as horrible as Chase during his lifetime!

Finn had 'took' that from her. He'd made her loathe someone that she'd never even met. She had never imagined herself wanting to physically harm someone as badly as she wanted to hurt his father after hearing all of the terrible things that he'd done to his poor innocent son. She would never even think to say it out loud to anyone, even Finn, but she knew that she would harm the man if she was given the chance. If someone asked her tomorrow if she would want to kill him if there was a guarantee that she wouldn't get into any trouble and end up in prison then she would without a second of reluctance. Did that mean that she really truly loved Finn or was that just the common way to feel when someone that you cared for got hurt?

She would kill for one of her siblings. She'd gotten damn close to it when she heard that Kat told Esme to kill herself. She wanted to go over and show her and that Avery whore exactly where they could stick their bitter jealousy. The only reason that she hadn't done so was because she assumed that someone close to both Esme and the cunt would deal with it meaning Dallas. She lost all respect for him when she found out that he hadn't broken up with her for telling his 'best friend' to kill herself when she'd done nothing to her but be perfectly pleasant. If Finn pulled that shit on some of her friends then she'd be quick to remind him of his place in her life even though she wanted to believe that they could be forever.

She let out a small sigh as she finally moved next to him. She didn't know how she felt about being so close to him after their little incident but she figured that he needed it. Who was she to deny him something like this? He wouldn't den--- well, he had denied her the comforting that she'd desired in the past but they weren't playing that kind of a game here. She couldn't hold the past against him for the rest of their lives or they'd be doomed if they weren't already. "I love you, too." She didn't know if he wanted her to respond but she felt rude not saying so. The worst feeling in the world comes after telling someone that you love them and having them say nothing in return. She, unfortunately, knew that from experience.

His compliments made the heat rush to her face. Could he tell that her cheeks were currently a red that was quite similar to a tomato or fire truck? She'd never been considered perfect or like she could fix anything before. She'd always felt like the idiot in the family which nobody had ever even thought to fix. It wasn't until Finn that she truly felt like she could actually do something with her life. "Finn... honey..." Why wouldn't her words come out right? "You shouldn't be nervous about losing your virginity. It's the best way to keep a person around you like Madonna wrote a song about it." What? She still hadn't mastered the whole 'thinking before speaking' thing. She was only slowly getting slightly better.

"I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you~" She sang softly as she moved her positioning so she could once more get on top of his body. She didn't know where the singing came from but maybe he'd find it attractive. She was humming as she planted more gentle kisses along his neck down his chest until she got to his crotch area. Was it even safe to touch it or would he freak out again thus ruining the mood for good? "I was beat incomplete. I'd been had, I wassad and blue but you made me feel. Yeah, you made me feel. Shiny and new, like a virgin." She would have turned on the song but it just wasn't soft enough for this mood so she just had to hope that her voice was good enough.

She was still singing the lyrics as she started to once again stroke his length. She was being far more careful now to avoid overwhelming him. She had to accept some responsibility in the situation, too. He'd warned her that he was going to need to go slow and she'd basically disregarded that completely.