Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 1:04:39 GMT -5
Feb 4,
I really thought he loved me.
And that was my biggest mistake, I guess. I shouldn't miss him or the way he'd wipe my tears away or the feeling of being in his arms after a hard day. I should embrace being single.. I can screw who I want now! I can do anything and anyone without having to check with anyone but I feel empty. I don't feel like any of this is worth it and that scares me.
It scares me to think that the only thing that I'm alive for is the fact that I know my dad would lose his mind if I died. Sometimes I wish I'd died in that shooting because then I'd die having been in love. I wouldn't be remembered as this terrible little slut - I'd be remembered as the loving girlfriend of Dylan McKnight.
I don't always wish I was dead though.. only when I'm awake.
I don't really want Dallas Kennedy so I don't get why his rejection makes me so angry. He means literally nothing to me! I just... I need a reason to get up in the morning and maybe hurting him will make me feel better.
And that was my biggest mistake, I guess. I shouldn't miss him or the way he'd wipe my tears away or the feeling of being in his arms after a hard day. I should embrace being single.. I can screw who I want now! I can do anything and anyone without having to check with anyone but I feel empty. I don't feel like any of this is worth it and that scares me.
It scares me to think that the only thing that I'm alive for is the fact that I know my dad would lose his mind if I died. Sometimes I wish I'd died in that shooting because then I'd die having been in love. I wouldn't be remembered as this terrible little slut - I'd be remembered as the loving girlfriend of Dylan McKnight.
I don't always wish I was dead though.. only when I'm awake.
I don't really want Dallas Kennedy so I don't get why his rejection makes me so angry. He means literally nothing to me! I just... I need a reason to get up in the morning and maybe hurting him will make me feel better.