Finn Comes Home~ Binn

[Finnick Radke]

Finn was so terrified but in a weird way, he was also kind of relieved. He'd never once thought that this kind of thing would make him feel that much closer to Bee, but it did. He was still scared, but not nearly as much as what he was feeling. He felt.. better about himself, in a weird, bizarre way. As he continued, he laid back down next to her and kissed her with a gently sweet passion. A kiss that was flowing with love, and he could only hope that she kinda, by some miracle felt that way too.

When he thought she was done, he retrieved his hand and rested his head down on the bed. It was strange to think that only half an hour ago, they were under the bed and he was petrified like a scared puppy in a lightening storm. He, having never experienced something like this, was unsure if this was the part where someone said something or they just sat there in silence. That was kind of awkward to do though, but he wasn't sure what to say. What if he said something that she didn't find okay? Why was he feeling all of this pressure? Wait.. the pressure wasn't in his head or even his chest. It was against the fabric of his sweatpants.

It wasn't like he'd never gotten an erection before, just not as often as most of the other boys his age. Very nonchalant, Finn rolled onto his stomach and tried to hide the fact that he he was blushing by sticking his face in the blankets to save himself the embarrassment. He was probably giving it away because both of his arms and hands were buried under him to prevent her from seeing.

[Beatrice Reynolds]

Beatrice wasn't a virgin anymore and she knew exactly how it felt to reach that sweet release but she really wasn't expecting it to be as glorious as this. Was it because it was Finn making her feel like this? If he was this great with his hand then she could only imagine how amazing that it was going to feel when he finally trusted her with his penis. "Oh God, Finn! Don't stop!" She moaned just a little (okay a lot) louder than intended. She didn't want Parker to hear this and figure out what was going on but she just couldn't contain herself. She would just lie and tell him that he didn't hear what he thought that he heard if asked about it in the morning. What kind of fib could she get away with? 'I wasn't having an orgasm- he was just rubbing my back and it felt really damn good'? Good enough for her!

She sat there in, what she saw as pleasant silence, as she attempted to take a moment to catch her breath completely. Did he want her to return the favor now or would that be crossing some kind of line? She smiled when she noticed his hands, was he trying to hide the fact that he had a boner or something? "Baby..." She purred as she gently slipped a hand underneath of him and tried to stroke his crotch area through his sweatpants. She wasn't going to do something that made him feel uncomfortable but she felt like he might just be scared of his size despite what he'd said before. "I know that you're hiding something, Finn and I just want you to know that it's perfectly normal for that to happen to a teenage boy with hormones."

She was never very good at using her hands so she quickly removed her hand from beneath him and offered up something that he might like a little bit more. "I can give you a blow job if you want... I know that sex isn't everything but it's something and I want to be able to make you feel good. Please let me make you happy." Was she begging him to let her give him oral sex? Seriously? "I think that you'd really enjoy yourself if you let me." 

[Finnick Radke]

Finn was a little worried that his mom or Parker might hear her moaning and that worried him a little but he didn't say anything. From what he could tell, he was doing okay and he was actually starting to relax. Well, right up until she slipped his hand underneath him and his eyes got big at how unbelievably close she was to touching him. "Finn, this is perfectly normal, you just can't tell anyone." He heard the voice and lingering words of his father. Finn lost whatever he had and sat up, crossing his legs. 

Then she offered him something that he, unlike 99% of the guys his age, was extremely uncomfortable with.. oral. When her hand trailed up his leg and over to his crotch, he panicked and flipped backwards off the bed, nailing his head on the dresser. That was good for a person who just got out of a coma, right? He felt extremely dizzy and light headed but he could see the disappointment on Bee's face because he had once again denied her. 

Finn sighed and ran his hand through his hair, more or less disappointed in himself for freaking out again. "I'm... sorry." He said, lowering his head to avert his gaze from hers. Was he supposed to explain to her why he had such a bad phobia about sexual things? Why he couldn't even keep a sexual thought in his head longer than two minutes without wanting to disappear? Or why he felt the need to ask her permission because he would have felt like he was violating her otherwise?

He had so much grief running through him and all he was doing was sitting there sulking because he couldn't get over the barrier that kept him from enjoying life. "There's something you weren't told..." Finn started, just about a whisper. He wanted to make her listen, but at the same time, he didn't want her to know. Finn got that pain in his chest that people get right before they cry. The one that feels like your heart is just being torn from every direction.

With a shaky voice, Finn started to tell her everything that he'd kept from her about his dad. The things he knew she didn't know. He started it off when he was seven, and progressed right up to the last occurrence. By then, he was on the brink of a breakdown but he fought hard against it for her sake. Finn stopped to clear his throat as he dropped his head once more. "I'm pretty messed up.." He concluded, raising his head to look at her and then only dropping his eyes.

[Beatrice Reynolds]

It wasn't that big of a surprise that Finn had once again denied her the opportunity to do one simple thing for him and Beatrice was surprised when she didn't burst into tears. The disappointment was clear as day on her face but she wasn't really all that depressed about it. She was more angry than anything else at this point. How dare he do this her? How dare he treat her like she wasn't worth anything and nearly fall all over himself when she tried to touch him? She wanted to scream at him for being so selfish, so cruel.. So uncaring towards any and all of her feelings but the words just wouldn't come out of her mouth. How was a person supposed to respond to something like that?

If this was the first or the second time that he freaked out and rejected her then she wouldn't be upset. She'd been understanding at first and never held it against him but now she was just starting to get pissed. Was he gay? He'd gotten her off with his hand so she hadn't really put much thought into that theory but maybe she was really just his big fat fucking gay beard. She should have just listened to Cooper in the beginning before she fell for him. He was a guy so maybe he'd heard something in the locker room or maybe he wasn't lying when he said that he saw Finn hitting on some naked guy. She was just too stupid and trusting to even think that someone as nice and good looking as Finn would manipulate her in such a way. Selfish asshole knew just what he was doing, he knew exactly who he was breaking. 

She was trying not to cry as she thought of everything that he had probably lied to her about. Did he not say he loved her when she told him because he knew that he could never love her like that? Had he really invited her to his truck that night because he wanted her to be there or was his boyfriend just too busy and he knew that she'd always be there if he needed? Was he seriously just keeping her hanging on like this because he couldn't make up his mind? How was that fair to her? She'd done nothing like this to him! Or to anyone for that matter. She wasn't going to make this easy for him so she stopped fighting back those tears and just let them flow like a waterfall. Why should she make this any easier on him when he was only making things harder for her? Rejecting her was so damn easy for him that she doubted that he would even care if she broke down right now.

She let out a small sigh when he started to explain the reasoning behind his constant heartbreaking rejection. Wouldn't there always be a reason to say 'no'? Wouldn't something that happened in his past always have the ability to hurt their relationship? She loved him with all of her heart and she understood of course that these feelings weren't his fault. She also knew that he couldn't just 'snap out of it' but suddenly all that she could imagine was a future filled with little small rejections here and there until they just built up to consume her. How long was she supposed to sit back and take it like a good girlfriend? When was their relationship going to stop being eighty - ten and be at least fifty-fifty? She didn't want to base everything in her life off of her sisters' but she knew for a fact that none of this shit happened with Esme and Jonathan or Lorelai and Martin. She was sick of hearing that her littlest sister was off losing her virginity to the 'love of her life' when she couldn't even get her boyfriend to let her touch him.

She didn't speak for a long time and she worried a little that he might think that she was still angry. She wasn't so much pissed at him anymore as much as she was angry at the world right now. She was mad at herself for not being able to get over her own feelings, she was mad at him for putting her through this and she was fucking pissed off at his father for being the monster who caused all of this. She raised a brow when he seemed to come to the conclusion that he was pretty messed up. "You're no more messed up than anyone else." She whispered under her breath before looking up at him with that damn ugly cry expression that she couldn't shake. What was she even going to say? It's okay? I'll wait forever? None of those felt right because she knew deep down that eventually this all would come to a crossroad and she'd have to make a choice - her own self-worth and dignity or her relationship with someone that she honestly believed that she would marry... Or at least she used to. She wasn't so sure anymore.

"It's not fair." She finally started with yet another sigh. It seemed like she did a lot of sighing these days, didn't she? "I'm just kind of tired.. I want to just stop caring for a few days and stop trying so hard all the time. I'm just tired of always feeling like a failure to you." She didn't know quite where she was actually going with that. Was she asking him for a break? It seemed like the logical choice but she didn't know if either of them could handle that kind of pain right now. She wasn't staying with him because she knew that he needed her, she was staying because she knew that she also needed him. Most people would probably think that she was insane for sticking this out when she was already feeling like she was worthless but she didn't know what else to do. She could leave and maybe find someone else but she'd never love them like she did Finn and she'd never stop hating herself for leaving him when he seemed to need her the most.    

She slowly started getting her clothes back on and decided that this was just going to be her life. She was giving up and that was a scary thing for her. She didn't know why this whole sex thing was so important to her or when it became about proving something but now it was just a reminder of everything that she couldn't do. She couldn't make him happy. She couldn't make him forget about the past and live in the present and she couldn't keep living like this. If she was being honest with herself then she'd realize that a very small portion of her frustration was actually sexual. It was more about the fact that she didn't feel wanted or needed or beautiful. She'd also realize that she wasn't just giving up on sex - she was giving up on every ounce of self confidence that she had walked into the relationship with.

She was giving herself up to be with him. She couldn't even remember the innocent girl that she was when she was dating Bo. She was just so happy, all the time. She didn't recognize the girl that she saw in the mirror. It was like she lost the light in her eyes and she didn't know how to get it back or even if it was worth it at this point. She felt reluctant to touch him in fear that he'd just push her off or flip out and break himself but she finally forced herself to attempt to comfort him. She didn't know how she managed to sound genuine when she didn't really mean it but she was suddenly such a good actress that she was believing it herself. "It's going to be okay, Finn.. I'm not going anywhere." She wasn't but that didn't mean that everything was going to be peaches.

"Do you even love me at all?"

She wasn't sure where the question came from but it was far too late to take it back now. She could only hope that he didn't take it personally. "I know that I love you but I don't ever feel like you love me or even find me attractive. I thought that you did when you.. you know but now I just don't know anymore. I never know anything." She was such an idiot. She could remember faintly back to the beginning of their relationship when everything was still fun and easy when he could make her feel like she was actually smart but now all he did was make her feel like she wanted to die.

[Finnick Radke]

If Finn had ever in his life felt like dying, it was now. The aching he felt and the burning inside him made him kind of want to put a bullet in his head. Not that he'd ever let anyone know about that little thought, but he'd thought about it a lot since he'd been out of his coma. He often found himself wishing that he'd never woken up. Then everyone could move on and forget about him. His mother wouldn't be burdened with the pain that her son went through well knowing there was nothing she could do. His brother wouldn't have to see him suffer anymore and he wouldn't have to worry if he was going to lose him. And Bee.. she wouldn't have to be stuck with such a defective toy any longer. Not waking up would have been really nice. He could have just slowly drifted into only a memory, that kid someone used to know.

But as God would have it, he did wake up and he was here now. He was here hurting the one person he had grown closest to and the one person that he felt he could grow from. He was hurting her with everything he did and honestly, Finn wasn't sure why she was still with him after all of this. If she was logical, she would leave. Everyone else had. Friends, girls, even relatives apart from his mom and brother. If Bee left, he'd have no one but them and he would be right back at square one in the dirt. Actually, he'd probably be six feet under the dirt.

Finn knew she was frustrated. He knew she was angry and hurt and confused and just about every emotion all rolled into one with no escape root. He knew most of it was caused by him. He had so much love that he wanted to just dump on her but he was mentally incapable of how to show it. All he wanted was for her to be happy and he couldn't even make her that. He felt his eyes starting to get watery, but he blinked it all back down and controlled it for the time being. That was his last secret. He had nothing left to hide so maybe if they made it through this rough patch, something.. something good could come out of it. He buried his face in his hands and let out a very frustrated and heavy sigh of his own.

Do you even love me at all?

Her words lingered in his mind for only a second before he looked up. "What?" He asked, not really needing her to repeat herself, but kind of in shock that she'd said it. Was she serious? Did she think that he didn't love her because of the way he was acting? Finn finally found his words and the strength to move off the floor. He went to the bedside and rested on his knees after taking her hand. "Bee?" He asked, reaching up to wipe her face. "I do.. I do love you." He paused, trying to hold in his own tears still.

He quietly cleared his throat and gently squeezed her hand. "You're the reason I'm here and I'm breathing. You're..... you're the reason I pulled through. You're the reason I want to wake up every day because I know that if I get to see you, touch you, even just so much as hear your voice that it's worth the struggle. I~" He stopped for a second before continuing. "I have so much love and affection pent up inside and I just don't know how to show you. How to give it to you.. how to make you feel it." Finn was't sure how he was managing to throw all of these words together and actually feel a burning passion brewing inside him the more he explained. "I am so in love with you." 

Whether or not she wanted him to, he leaned up to kiss her forehead, her nose and then her lips as he pulled her back onto the bed so that she was laying next to him. He pulled the covers up over her and wrapped his arm on her waist. Even if she wanted to pull away, he wasn't going to let her. Slowly, he was easing up to the idea about what she'd wanted to do earlier. He wasn't sure if he would want to go all the way, but he could at least try and let her do something, right? He ran his fingers along her arm before taking her hand in his. He was about to do something that, for him, took every ounce of courage that he could call upon. "Bee, if it means that much..." He started, nervously putting her hand on the lower part of his torso right above his sweatpants. "I.... I want to try for you."

[Beatrice Reynolds]

Beatrice didn't expect Finn to really react to her question. She sort of believed that he was either going to ignore it because he wanted to spare her feelings or let her know just how rotten and selfishly that she was behaving by bringing up her feelings when he was the one who had the difficult past. Was she being unreasonable in asking such a question during a time like this? She was barely now taking the time to think that choice through. "I.. " She wanted to apologize but then he started off about how he loved her and didn't feel like it would be appropriate to interrupt him. Every word made her heart feel like it could literally burst out of her chest. Was that healthy? She knew that she was either in love or like dying because this couldn't be a normal way to feel.

She really didn't know how people survived this whole 'love' thing. She felt like she was drowning out at sea without a life jacket ninety percent of the time yet she enjoyed it. She craved his attention in ways that she didn't imagine wanting anyone else. She hadn't felt like this with the other boys. She thought for a split second that she was deeply truly in love with Bo but looking back it was only infatuation between two people who were better off as friends than lovers. "Oh Finn.. I'm sorry for doubting if you loved me and I'm sorry that I've been so insecure lately. I just haven't been feeling that great about myself lately and I think that this whole sex thing was really more for me than it was for you or to better our relationship." 

She actually gasped when he said that he was willing to try that if it meant a lot to her. Was he really going to let her suck his dick? Did she even still want to? She thought it over for exactly five seconds before deciding that she was just going to take this as he let her. She started off by sucking on his neck then slowly kissing down from his neck to his chest. Did she want to go lower and pull his pants down or would that just scare him? She didn't want to make him cry or panic since that could lead to potential awkward moments with his mother or brother but she did know that she would eventually have to touch his dick in someway. She didn't want her future in-laws (hopefully) to remember her as the girl who they caught mouth raping Finn.

She slowly eased him onto his back on his bed and made her way on top of him. She didn't want to get too close too fast but there was no point in tiptoeing around the inevitable. She gave him more tender kiss in an attempt to reassure him before whispering that she would obviously stop if he felt like he couldn't handle this. She wasn't going to hold it against him if his past clouded his pleasure. What was the fun in sucking dick if he wasn't enjoying it? He was the whole reason that she was doing this! She didn't immediately place her mouth on him though. She was still trying to be slow so she just gently pulled his sweatpants down and started stroking his glorious length.

That was going to be fun when he let her ride him.

She wasn't going to think too much about that right now though. This was all about him! "Do you want me to stop? I can stop if you need me to at any point during this.. Just reminder that." She murmured just before she wrapped her lips around his manhood. Had she pressured him? Was he not going to enjoy himself?

[Finnick Radke]

Finn swallowed hard and took a deep breath in, still trying to convince himself if this was a good idea or not. He was just scared, and with good reason, but he wanted Bee to know that he trusted her with everything. He nodded nervously when she spoke, but he gave her the okay despite his nerves on high alert. Finn slowed his breathing, trying to gain control over his mind and relax a little bit. Wasn't that what you were supposed to do? Just relax? Just let it happen and go naturally? Just two people showing a lot of affection?

When her hand reached them waist of his sweatpants, he brushed his hand against hers as if asking her to give him a second. When she reassured him that it was going to be okay, he took his hand back and rested it on his abdomen, anticipating her next move. He pinched one of his eyes shut when she pulled his pants down far enough to make him feel more than exposed. He shut both eyes when he felt Bee's hand on him, but as she continued on, he opened them and felt actually a little excited. 

Why had this been so scary for him before? Slowly, but surely, he started to relax and wrap his brain around the idea that she wasn't going to harm him. When she looked up at him, he broke the tiniest of smiles because he was still nervous. Just as he was starting to get into the groove, she was changing it up. What was she doing? He watched as she moved a little bit and then asked if he wanted her to stop. 

"..I'm.. I'm okay." He said, running his thumb on the side of her arm and putting it back where he had it before. That's when she lowered her head and he jumped a little bit. The idea had slipped his mind and he was extremely surprised at the feeling of her lips and her mouth on him. He felt himself started to freak out for a second and he felt like he was going to panic again, but then, his teenage hormones were starting to override anything else. Finn actually let out a little, tiny moan as she proceeded.

It didn't take him a God awful amount of time to let off like it would for someone like Dallas Kennedy or Jett or that one Kyle kid. He wasn't quick to jump the gun either, but this being his true first oral anything... He tried to stop his mind from racing because he was confused at the idea that he was able to just let go of his trauma and relax. It was nice, and Bee, she was spectacular. He couldn't help but wonder though, and when she was back next to his side, he spoke after a short silence. "Bee?" He paused, "........did I do good?"

[Beatrice Reynolds]

Beatrice, unlike her sisters and probably her brother, wasn't an expert on oral sex. She didn't know the most sensitive parts of a man's penis and she wasn't entirely sure if she was doing everything correctly. His tiny moan sort of urged her to go on and she took that as a cue that she was doing this whole thing somewhat alright. What if he was faking it? Was he even knowledgeable on sex enough to know that she wouldn't believe it if he fake got off in her mouth? She just wasn't sure what she would do if he didn't enjoy her sexual favor. She'd feel guilty for the rest of their relationship that she couldn't even help him get off one time after all of the trauma that he'd been through.

She took a second to reconsider what she was doing before forcing herself to continue. This just wasn't as enjoyable as she thought that it was! What was she supposed to do while she was doing this with her mouth? Take a selfie? Update her twitter and tell all of her followers that she was finally giving her boyfriend a blow job? Yeah, she just knew that every single person on there would want to know that she was getting real dirty. She didn't even know what she was going to do when he eventually finished. Was she supposed to spit? Swallow? Would that just freak him out? She didn't know which would personally be worse for him so she was just trying to think about what would be the least uncomfortable for her.

She didn't expect him to finish when he did and she nearly gagged. Thanks for the warning, boo! She tried to play off her near choking experience and reluctantly swallowed. She had to literally force herself to not make a disgusted taste. That was actually about the time when she heard Finn ask if he'd done okay.. Had he not? Was he supposed to have done something else? She tried to think back to the whole experience and she couldn't remember him doing anything that seemed off. It'd been literally moments ago so she knew that it wasn't just her forgetfulness.

"Oh Finn..." She started with a small frown before moving to lay down next to him with her head on his chest. "You did great. Why would you think that you didn't?" Did he think that he needed to get her approval on the matter? She wasn't actually sure what all that she was supposed to tell him to make him feel like he'd been a fabulous person to blow. "You know.. You're big like the biggest that I've ever seen in my life." Did that make her sound like a whore? She hadn't seen that many penises in her life or anything!

"I mean it's not like I watch a lot of porn or have had a lot of sex." She quickly stammered out to try to sound less like a whore. Blurting it out like that probably didn't help though and she really just felt like she'd made herself look guilty. "I just... You're very big and I'm impressed." She didn't know how her compliment had turned into an awkward moment where she needed to tell him that she wasn't a slut. "I don't really give oral that often and like I don't know what I was doing.." She just felt like she needed to explain why it probably wasn't the best thing he'd ever experienced in his life.

She bit down on her lower lip and tried to think of yet another way to excuse her crappy job before finally asking the question that she seriously needed the answer to. It was going to bother her all night if she didn't know! "Did you enjoy that? I mean I know that it was probably awkward already given your history but I just... I need to know that what I did for you wasn't something that you'll look back on and regret." She couldn't even imagine how terrible that she would feel if he lied to her. Well, she didn't want to know the truth either if it was rude but she'd honestly prefer that so she could improve.

[Finnick Radke]

It was vital for Finn to hear her approval because he knew that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep without knowing. This being his first semi-enjoyable release from another person, he was nervous and unsure of himself. Had everything gone how it was supposed to? Was she okay? Hell, was he okay? He felt okay. So many thoughts scurried around inside his brain as he thought more and more on the idea but her touch brought him back into a calming state. That never ceased to fail him, and he loved her for it. Like she was an anchor for his sanity.

He welcomed her cuddling up next to him and he rested his chin on the top of her head. He blushed so hard and couldn't help but feel his palms starting to clam up when she said that he was the biggest she'd ever seen. He chuckled lightly, "You have to say that, though. It's like.. a rule or something." Finn said and he pulled her against him and couldn't help but smile at her rambling.

He paused at her next question on if he'd liked it or not. "I.. it was.." He huffed, irritated that he couldn't find any words for her. "You were unbelievable, baby." He said finally. He really had given in to his body's desires toward the end and for once, he felt like a human being. Granted, he was still a little worried that everything went how it was supposed to. 

He adjusted his body so that the pressure on his injured areas wasn't tight and pulsing as bad. "Is that how it works?" Finn asked, just above a whisper. "Are you supposed to talk about it after?" It was kinda sad that he was genuinely asking because he really didn't know. "Cause I mean... it was pretty awesome."

[Beatrice Reynolds]

"I mean we can talk about it if you want to." Beatrice whispered as she moved her hand to affectionately stroke the side of his face. Was this where she was supposed to tell him that little unspoken rule about warning a girl before finishing in her mouth? "Um.. One thing though." She paused and took a deep breath as she considered exactly how to tell him this without offending him. "Okay so don't take this the wrong way because I'm not like upset and I know that you didn't know so it's nothing like major but it's considered polite to warn the person giving you oral before you finish."

Had that been the proper way to tell him that? She didn't want to say the wrong thing and risk him never wanting to try anything sexual ever again. She knew that she needed to be cautious given his history but she also couldn't do something that made her feel uncomfortable in an attempt to spare his feelings from any kind of hurt. It wasn't like she was insulting him! She pecked him sweetly on his cheek before snuggling back up at his chest. She didn't want him to think that she was upset so she was trying to give him constant reassurance.

"I'm really glad that you let me do that for you though and I'm really glad that you enjoyed it." She had been so worried that he was going to finish and say that it wasn't worth it or she wasn't worth it. She couldn't imagine how he was probably feeling inside of his head right now. He'd spent so much time being sexually abused that she didn't even want to think of how it would feel after he finally gave in to his hormonal urges and let his girlfriend pleasure him by choice as opposed to his sick bastard of a father doing it against his will.

"I love you, Finnick Bailer Radke." She didn't use his first name often and she wasn't really sure why since she loved it so much. She loved a lot of things about him that she didn't always say though, huh? "You know that sex isn't everything, right? I know that I was being a little crazy about it earlier but I don't want you thinking that this whole relationship is about sex or about me needing sex because it's the farthest thing from the truth. I'm going to be really honest right now and say that I love sex.. I love everything about sex but that doesn't mean that I can't live without it. I went years without sex before Bo and we only did it once or twice so I can go as long as you need me to without it."

She didn't know if bringing up her ex-boyfriend was the best thing to do at this very moment but she did know that there were a few things that she needed to say to him that would come out better if she was able to bring up real examples. "I would love to be able to just make love to you but I understand that you need time and space until you're ready." Maybe he would even be ready by their first Valentines day together but if he wasn't then that was fine, too. They could go out to dinner and do other things. Everything didn't always need to be about getting naked.