Post by Beatrice Reynolds on Jul 27, 2013 21:10:45 GMT -5
January 1,
I'm celebrating Finn and I's first new years today and instead of being out partying the night away or sharing an intimate kiss at a ski resort, I'm at the hospital. He isn't recovering like I expected but what do I really know about all of this? I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing right now other than just sitting in this damn chair staring at him in hopes that he'll just open his eyes. I just want him to be okay, you know? I think that there's a chance that I might be too in love with him. I think that I might be too in love with him sometimes but then I realize why I feel like this and everything makes sense. The whole point of life is to meet someone that you love, someone who makes you happy and to try not to hurt other people. I've done that.
I met someone who I love more than I ever imagined loving someone and he's worth all of this pain. He's worth the fact that I haven't had a solid night of sleep since the accident. He's worth the fact that I just took an ice shower that lasted about two and a half minutes because I didn't want to miss one single second of our possible last moments and he's worth the fact that I have to justify all of my actions to my family. They think that I'm just being a silly immature little girl about this whole situation and that I'm not really 'in love'; I'm just deeply in lust. I obviously know my feelings better than they do but nobody seems to understand that. I think the worst part is Cooper. He's confident that Finn is going to die so I should just 'dump him like I did the idiot'.
My relationship with Bo was nothing like this. I cared very deeply for him and I respected our little dynamic but I don't miss it. I miss having a fabulous friendship with him. I miss the fact that I could go and play mini golf with him like little children with him without judgment. Maybe this whole situation is karma though, you know? Maybe I shouldn't have started dating Finn so soon after Bo broke up with me but I still don't think that I deserve this... I hurt him so all of this should be happening to me not Finn.
Everything is falling apart right now and I don't want to pick up the pieces but I have to.
I met someone who I love more than I ever imagined loving someone and he's worth all of this pain. He's worth the fact that I haven't had a solid night of sleep since the accident. He's worth the fact that I just took an ice shower that lasted about two and a half minutes because I didn't want to miss one single second of our possible last moments and he's worth the fact that I have to justify all of my actions to my family. They think that I'm just being a silly immature little girl about this whole situation and that I'm not really 'in love'; I'm just deeply in lust. I obviously know my feelings better than they do but nobody seems to understand that. I think the worst part is Cooper. He's confident that Finn is going to die so I should just 'dump him like I did the idiot'.
My relationship with Bo was nothing like this. I cared very deeply for him and I respected our little dynamic but I don't miss it. I miss having a fabulous friendship with him. I miss the fact that I could go and play mini golf with him like little children with him without judgment. Maybe this whole situation is karma though, you know? Maybe I shouldn't have started dating Finn so soon after Bo broke up with me but I still don't think that I deserve this... I hurt him so all of this should be happening to me not Finn.
Everything is falling apart right now and I don't want to pick up the pieces but I have to.
