Post by Kazzie Romano on Jul 27, 2013 2:59:05 GMT -5
Jan 25, 2013
I've always thought that Diaries were stupid, something only little girls did. But now... I realize that it's an outlet. Does it sound cliche to say that I don't have anyone to talk to? I know I do, but somethings you just don't want to share.
I would honestly consider Esme to be my best friend, though I honestly don't believe in such things. Even something like this I feel like I can't tell anyone. Well, except you journal/ diary what the fuck you are. I wouldn't call it a secret, well okay it is. Even I don't think I've accepted this.
The reason I've chosen to start this journal is because I want to document that start of something beautiful and awfully scary. I suppose I should start from the beginning.
Winter break was wonderful, perfect, and I wish I could go back. I spent it all in Canada with the most amazing guy. Anthony is more than I could ever need, and he's the sweetest person. He never pressured me to do anything, and in fact I'm the one who took his virginity. It wasn't his suggestion and for the most part he hadn't even hinted about doing anything. I thought for the longest time that I was just not sexually attractive.
Glad to know I was wrong, but I won't go into detail. Actually, I will, because the burn blog kind of pissed me off. I wish I could just yell to the world that he's not fucking gay. Like, I'm not even going to lie, I thought the sex was just going to be okay. HAHAHA so wrong. Okay, the first time was like him trying to ride a bike without training wheels, but after that it was smooth sailing. And of course, practice made perfect, so we practiced alright.
Enough about my new wonderful sex life, I honestly should not have let Anthony use the one condom. It was really questionable, and God only knows how long that thing was in his wallet. But I ran out of the ones I brought, and I was desperate. BUT ANYWAY, Christmas was fantastic, best gift ever.
So, going back to school was pretty lame, a bunch of drama but whatever. I feel bad for Rozzi, cause she's such a cool person that seems to never win. Cooper is fucking retarded, I swear. I lost a little respect for him when he called Rozzi the ugly version of Esme. She really didn't need to dye her hair. It kind of breaks my heart, but I don't really think it's my place to say anything. I might punch Cooper in the face if he does something like that again. Totally uncalled for. I don't know why I'm so angry right now.
I haven't been feeling all that well and I was hoping it was just some bug or damn virus. But the burn blog scared me, like what if I was actually pregnant. I didn't really need a source seeing me buy a pregnancy test, so I decided to go to the doctor so they could see what was wrong with me once and for all.
I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine raising a kid, and now I have to. Sure, I could take the burn blogs advice and abort it, but I can't do it. It isn't fair. I promised myself that I would never let my child suffer what I went through, never. But I don't know if I can promise that. I know I'll be there for my child whenever possible, but what about the father?
I honestly think I'm in love with him, but he's never said it to me. What if he's not ready for this, what if he leaves me? I don't know what to do. How should I tell him? I'm so confused, and I don't know who to go to. I want to tell Es, but a part of me isn't ready. I haven't fully accepted this yet, and I really wish this all was a dream. I'm fucking 17, this isn't what I wanted. Sure, I'll be 18 in a few days, but I'm not even out of high school.
I wanted to wait til I was completely ready to support my kid. Who knows what the fuck my father is going to do. Probably just throw money at me and think that will fix everything. Maybe I should just pack my bags and leave and let the burn blog make up some bullshit reason.
I will love this child with all of my heart, no matter what happens. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I'll be okay. I don't know how to tell Anthony, and maybe it's too soon. I think I'll ease it on him, maybe while we're babysitting or something? Perhaps after Cici falls asleep I'll get a feel about his thoughts about kids. I mean he's fucking great with Cici, like I couldn't imagine a better father, but does he want it?
This diary entry has turned into a fucking story. I think it's time for bed. Anthony has just sent me a goodnight text. I don't know if I can do this. I'm just so lost. Until next time
-Love Kazzie
I would honestly consider Esme to be my best friend, though I honestly don't believe in such things. Even something like this I feel like I can't tell anyone. Well, except you journal/ diary what the fuck you are. I wouldn't call it a secret, well okay it is. Even I don't think I've accepted this.
The reason I've chosen to start this journal is because I want to document that start of something beautiful and awfully scary. I suppose I should start from the beginning.
Winter break was wonderful, perfect, and I wish I could go back. I spent it all in Canada with the most amazing guy. Anthony is more than I could ever need, and he's the sweetest person. He never pressured me to do anything, and in fact I'm the one who took his virginity. It wasn't his suggestion and for the most part he hadn't even hinted about doing anything. I thought for the longest time that I was just not sexually attractive.
Glad to know I was wrong, but I won't go into detail. Actually, I will, because the burn blog kind of pissed me off. I wish I could just yell to the world that he's not fucking gay. Like, I'm not even going to lie, I thought the sex was just going to be okay. HAHAHA so wrong. Okay, the first time was like him trying to ride a bike without training wheels, but after that it was smooth sailing. And of course, practice made perfect, so we practiced alright.
Enough about my new wonderful sex life, I honestly should not have let Anthony use the one condom. It was really questionable, and God only knows how long that thing was in his wallet. But I ran out of the ones I brought, and I was desperate. BUT ANYWAY, Christmas was fantastic, best gift ever.
So, going back to school was pretty lame, a bunch of drama but whatever. I feel bad for Rozzi, cause she's such a cool person that seems to never win. Cooper is fucking retarded, I swear. I lost a little respect for him when he called Rozzi the ugly version of Esme. She really didn't need to dye her hair. It kind of breaks my heart, but I don't really think it's my place to say anything. I might punch Cooper in the face if he does something like that again. Totally uncalled for. I don't know why I'm so angry right now.
I haven't been feeling all that well and I was hoping it was just some bug or damn virus. But the burn blog scared me, like what if I was actually pregnant. I didn't really need a source seeing me buy a pregnancy test, so I decided to go to the doctor so they could see what was wrong with me once and for all.
I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine raising a kid, and now I have to. Sure, I could take the burn blogs advice and abort it, but I can't do it. It isn't fair. I promised myself that I would never let my child suffer what I went through, never. But I don't know if I can promise that. I know I'll be there for my child whenever possible, but what about the father?
I honestly think I'm in love with him, but he's never said it to me. What if he's not ready for this, what if he leaves me? I don't know what to do. How should I tell him? I'm so confused, and I don't know who to go to. I want to tell Es, but a part of me isn't ready. I haven't fully accepted this yet, and I really wish this all was a dream. I'm fucking 17, this isn't what I wanted. Sure, I'll be 18 in a few days, but I'm not even out of high school.
I wanted to wait til I was completely ready to support my kid. Who knows what the fuck my father is going to do. Probably just throw money at me and think that will fix everything. Maybe I should just pack my bags and leave and let the burn blog make up some bullshit reason.
I will love this child with all of my heart, no matter what happens. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I'll be okay. I don't know how to tell Anthony, and maybe it's too soon. I think I'll ease it on him, maybe while we're babysitting or something? Perhaps after Cici falls asleep I'll get a feel about his thoughts about kids. I mean he's fucking great with Cici, like I couldn't imagine a better father, but does he want it?
This diary entry has turned into a fucking story. I think it's time for bed. Anthony has just sent me a goodnight text. I don't know if I can do this. I'm just so lost. Until next time
-Love Kazzie
