Esmallas ~ #icant

[Dallas Kennedy]

Six days. Six long fucking days he had managed to stay sober. In six days, he did nothing better for himself and everything was harder to take in and more difficult to deal with. Six days and some fucked up words he read and he was done. Dallas Kennedy was admitting defeat. He stopped by work and talked with one of the guys there about getting some things for him. If Dallas was anything, he was the man that could get things. He was like a puppet master in his own little world. He didn't run these streets, but he was next in line in his mind.

When he returned home to the apartment, he gave Arturo a big bowl of milk and filled his bowl with food before straight petting him for nearly thirty minutes. He laughed at the idea that if something happened tonight, he would miss that little booger the most. His heart dropped when he left his cat in the kitchen and shut his bedroom door behind him. Dallas pulled out two fifths from his backpack, one his famous Jack Daniels, the other a bottle of Wild Turkey.

An hour had passed. It was now ten o' clock and he was a fifth down. Dallas was already getting to a comfortable level of drunk, but then he remembered something else he had gotten. He went into his bag and retrieved a small little baggie and emptied it's white contents out on the top of his dresser. He was going to do something he thought he wouldn't ever in a million years even consider. Everything weighed against his mind. Kat, Thalia, Esme, Kevin, his dad, his mom, himself, God, the devil, his crash, his five minutes of death, Kat, Kat, babies, Kat. Dallas cut the little pile into three lines while he thought about everything.

He went to do it. He had the dollar bill rolled up in his hand. He was going to do this. When he went to, he pussied out and paced the floor, looking at the three little lines not any longer than an inch and no wider than half a centimeter. Dallas opened the bottle of Jack and took three swigs of it before saying 'fuck it' and taking the first line through his nose. It burned and he wasn't really sure what to expect now, but he took another long chug from his bottle and sucked up the second.

It had been a long night but now, Dallas was so unbelievably numb from any of his worries that he even felt like taking a nice stroll down the street. It was nearing eleven-thirty and he was out on a god damn walk. He couldn't tell the difference between the building, the unicorn, or the street or why his shadow was following him so closely. He cursed at it every now and then and told a crack in the sidewalk to fuck off for tripping him out of no where. God, had he done it this time.

[Esme Russel]

((  www.polyvore.com/how_to_save_life/set?id=91347699  ))
Esme couldn't explain it but she just couldn't get comfortable tonight in bed. She wasn't that large yet so it wasn't a 'pregnancy' thing necessarily. Everything in the house was just so damn quiet right now and she actually found herself longing for her darling daughter to wake up and start crying for something so she'd have an excuse to get up and actually do something instead of just laying in that damn bed staring at the television. It wouldn't have been a problem if she could actually focus on what was on! She'd put Mean Girls on Netflix in hopes of that helping but her back was just aching and Ariel was moving around like a madwoman inside of her uterus. Was she having some kind of a party in there? She couldn't remember having caffeine recently and that was what usually caused more intense fetal movement. She'd just found a somewhat tolerable spot on the bed when she heard her damn phone start playing 'Stay Beautiful' which was Dallas's ringtone. What could he have possibly gotten into now?

She prayed that he had just drunkenly dialed her number by accident and was just partying too hard so she could actually get some damn sleep tonight. She knew that wasn't the case when she saw that her phone had a voice mail on it. Bad sign, huh? She just had a gut feeling that she wasn't going to like what she was going to hear and she actually considered ignoring it until morning because she needed to sleep if she was going to be a functioning human being at work and actual mother to her daughter. It was always harder balancing her responsibilities when she was exhausted and everyone knows how tiring that pregnancy in itself was. Listening to how terrible that his voice sounded in the message just confirmed her fears and she knew that she couldn't live with herself morally if he died tonight and she could have done something to prevent it.

Of course there was a chance that it was too late and she wasn't going to be able to get there in time which was something that she'd just have to live with. She stood up awkwardly from the bed with a quiet groan, she'd been experiencing some pain when she stood up but it was nothing really major. She woke Jonathan up to explain the situation before she started getting some legitimate clothes on. She didn't want her lovely husband to think that she'd been kidnapped while they were sleeping and was laying somewhere in a ditch or something. She didn't know if it was even a good idea for her to be out this late at night alone and pregnant but she sure as hell wasn't going to tell him that she had a huge ball of nerves in her stomach. What if she fell asleep at the wheel and got into an accident? What if the car broke down in a bad neighborhood and her car got stolen and she was raped, murdered and thrown in a trash can? Would anyone even know to look for her? She knew logically that she was just giving herself anxiety for no reason but she couldn't help it. It was like her mind just wanted her to think about the worst possible scenario at all times.

Being in a large car like her Range Rover did make her feel more confident though and she somehow managed to make it to Dallas's apartment only to be told by Kevin that he wasn't there so she set off to find him. Where would someone who was probably drunk go? She hadn't been in the party scene for so long that she actually forgot what it was like and where people went. She found herself seriously just driving aimlessly through the city in an attempt to either find him walking around alive and drunk or laying dead on the sidewalk. The second option was never not the one that she was hoping for but she knew that it was a very real possibility depending on Dallas's actions. Alcohol poisoning, beat to death by some pissed off guy or worst case a possible drunk overdose.. so many terrible things that could happen to him before she was able to 'rescue' him. This just couldn't be the time when she didn't get there in time.. It just wouldn't be okay.

She slowed down her car when she saw someone walking down the sidewalk who looked an awful lot like mister Kennedy. Was it him or just some strange homeless man who looked like him? She rolled down her window just in time to hear him curse at the sidewalk for tripping him and she could barely contain her giggle. That voice was definitely without a doubt him but she was still cautious for her own safety. He didn't seem like he was completely right in his mind so she didn't know if there was a chance of him snapping and doing something insane like murdering her or attempting to replace his and Kat's baby with her baby. "Dallas fucking James Kennedy." She parked on the sidewalk and just looked at him before rolling the passenger side window down. She didn't know if it was the best idea in the world to just let him in the car but she opened the door anyway. "Get in the car, baby." She was using that maternal tone on him again as if he was her infant daughter and had just fallen on his diapered behind while learning to walk.. Maybe he was. She was learning how to stand on her own two feet and Dallas seemed like he needed to 're-learn' that skill.

[Dallas Kennedy]

Dally's brain was on another tangent as he walked on the street. No one else was around and there weren't any cars driving by. He spit at the sidewalk and gave it a death glare as he turned. That's when he the lights of a car on the street and wondered who the fuck was out at this hour and why they were stopping and why..... wait, why were they stopped and rolling the window down? He wasn't a hooker. Or.. maybe he could be. He felt invincible and he believed he could do anything at the moment. He as already a stripper, so why not sell a little more? He could do that.

He stayed about three feet from the car because that was an alright safe distance in case they were stripper'snatchers' in his mind. At first, he didn't even realize who it was and so he said, "Know me by name, huh? Fuck, what are you in the mood for tonight?" He asked, finally walking up to the window or the car. "Two hundred, upfront, baby gir-...... Oh... Es.. Fuck, it's just you." He said, laughing at the way her red hair looked like it was literally on fire.

Dallas held his own arms and rested outside the car. "What are you doin' out here at this hour, Essy?" He asked, genuinely curious as he tilted his head to the side. "No, no.. no.. lemme guess." He said, pausing. "You're- you're looking for unicorns. No, that's not it.. Fuck! Oh my God, you're looking for male hookers." He said before shaking his head. "No.. you don't do that anymore. Hmm.. Kevin sent you?" He asked, watching the cloud from his breath vanish in front of his face which made him smile as it passed.

[Esme Russel]

Was he seriously this drugged up and wasted? Esme wanted to reach out and literally slap some sense into him but she knew that it wouldn't do anything other than piss him off completely. "Yes, Kevin and I are very worried for you." She didn't mean to sound frustrated but a tiny bit did come out as she reached over to open the passenger side door. "Get in the car, Dallas.. I'm taking you somewhere fun.. Let's go to a bar and get some shots and then maybe hit up Vegas! It'll be fun!" She wasn't really going to take him to a bar or to Vegas - she just wanted to try and trick him into getting into the car without a struggle. She was 'too pregnant' to fight to get him into anything. She just needed to sound super enthusiastic about this little fib and maybe he'd actually believe it.

"It's a super private place too so we have to hurry! You've never been there but all the cool people go." She nodded slowly before patting the seat next to her, "You know that you want to." She didn't honestly expect that it would work so she was sort of shocked when she found herself actually driving him back to his apartment. What if he got so upset about her lying to him that he just dashed when she stopped the car? Or worse what if he was so high that he forgot that she was a woman and put his hands on her? She didn't know where all of these terrible awful possibilities were coming from but she just couldn't shake them off. It was like he was a previously domesticated lion or tiger who had bit her and now she was a little scared to reach her hand into the cage.

~they drove~

Only he'd never once hit her and she had no logical reason to fear him other than the fact that he was high and that made her uncomfortable. It wasn't just him though - she was like this when Jonathan smoked even a tiny bit of weed as well. Something about drugs just concerned her. "Come on, Dallas.." She cooed as she pulled him by the hand inside of his apartment. She set her bags down before making her way into the kitchen to steal some of his food. She rubbed Arturo gently on the head as she searched for really anything that would satisfy her cravings. "Are you hungry?" She was just starving.. and exhausted but she had a feeling that this was going to be a very long night.

[Dallas Kennedy]

"You're not worried. You're just... not worried. And I think you're jealous of my unicorn... take that as you will." He said, laughing as he hopped in the car. He rolled the window down even though it was freezing outside and hung his head out the window like a dog the whole time. His body temperature was slightly accelerated so to him, it felt great. He stayed pretty quiet on the way to wherever they were going, he honestly didn't care.

~~

He frowned when they got to his apartment building, but didn't say anything until they were in the elevator. "So, no to that bar then?" He asked, stepping out onto his floor and sloppily following Esme. At one point he just kind of latched onto her for balance and kept looking back at their shadows and saying that they "had shadows." He was probably making zero sense to her, but so far she was just going along with it.

When they reached the door and they stepped inside, he leaned against the counter and watched her go for the fridge. "Nah, I'm good, Esme-benesbay." He slurred, rocking on his heels a little bit before Arturo jumped up on the counter, happy to see his dad. "Kitty!" He said, spinning around and swooping the cat up in his arms. "You're purring like a vibrator, Arturo." He said, rubbing the side of the cat against his face. "I have that effect on people."

"Hey, Esme! Hey, I'm going in my room and I will be right back.. back.. be.. okay." He said, setting the cat on the floor before stumbling into his room and pulling off his shirt. "Fucking, get off me you stupid shirt" He mumbled, struggling with the shirt that was stuck on his head. "Essss~" He whined, his arms and head still stuck. "ESME."

[Esme Russel]

Esme was just about to put the finishing touches on her sandwich when she heard Dallas calling her from his bedroom. What in the world could he have done in such a short amount of time? She sort of assumed that he'd just gotten lost or something and actually laughed out loud when she saw that he was stuck in his shirt. She gently pulled the shirt off of his head and giggled before gently rubbing his shoulder, "You good now? Because I made a really awesome sandwich and I'm very excited to eat it." She pressed her lips against his forehead in a quite maternal manner before her eyes saw something on his dresser but she couldn't tell quite what it was. She knew that she'd regret doing it but she decided to just take a closer look. Was that seriously what it looked like?

"Dallas James Kennedy! What the actual fuck do you think that you're doing? Did you seriously do hardcore drugs in your bedroom and drink a shit ton of booze? Do you realize how dangerous that could be? You could have fucking died, Dallas! Do you ever fucking think for one second about anyone other than yourself?" She knew logically that screaming at him like this would serve no purpose since he wouldn't remember this in the morning but it was somehow making her feel better. "You're so irresponsible! What if you had overdosed tonight? Do you even realize how many people would have been affected by your poor decision making skills?" She just wanted to throw her hands up in the air and give up on him but she'd never be able to live with herself if something happened to him. She was always saying that she was 'so fucking done' with him and his bull shit but she always came running whenever he called.

Strange, huh? She was a married woman with responsibilities of her own and yet she still found herself running whenever her best friend needed something. She was slowly realizing that she needed to tend to those things and people above someone who clearly didn't want her help. "I have a sick baby at home and a husband and one in my uterus and I don't fucking need your stress on top of that."

[Dallas Kennedy]

Dallas was gently flailing around in his shirt but froze like a statue when she came to help him out of his little predicament. "Ah, thank you! Mother fucker wouldn't let go of me." He laughed, tossing his shirt on the floor. "You're sharing right? Right? Right." He said, his eyes trailing away as his words did. He was looking at the bricks on his walls and thinking just how fun those would be for him to try and climb because obviously he was fucking Spiderman.

He just stood there while she pushed by him and looked at what was on his dresser. When he turned around, his smile fell and but he wasn't ashamed. "Like you've never done anything before." He said in response to her yelling at him. Really though, she was one hundred percent right about the fact that it was possible that he could have died. But at the time, Dallas just didn't care. He was, however, pretty damn sure that Esme wanted to smack the shit out of him right now.

"I'm obviously fine, Esme." He said, his voice suddenly changing and a little more serious. He took a step closer to her and tilted his head slightly to the right. "Why are you so hung up on Jon all the time?" Dallas asked, squinting just a little bit as a tiny smirk came onto his face. "I mean, you're always so tense all the time.. he must not be up to par." Dallas laughed just a little bit before shifting his weight to his other foot. "All I'm saying, Es.. is maybe you need a break, y'know.. some.. variety or some shit." 

He hadn't realized that he had back her up against the wall and had one arm on either side of her, his hands on the cold brick, holding up his weight. He moved one hand and played with the end of her hair, admiring the color for a moment and how it was boosted along with every other sense in his body. Dallas flicked his eyes up to hers and smirked. "I miss you, Essy. Really, I do. I miss the fire you used to spit and the crazy you used to bring to the table." He said, letting go of her hair, but walking his index and middle finger up her arm. "I really wanna see that side of you again." In a second, Dallas pressed his body against Esme's, and leaned his head down to give her a very heated kiss and he tangled his fingers through the back of her hair.

[Esme Russel]

Esme raised a brow when Dallas told her that she needed a break. Was he seriously trying to hit on her right now? She didn't completely panic until he had her up against the wall. What was she supposed to do? Scream? He wasn't violating her but she did feel incredibly uncomfortable. She'd never been in this situation before and she didn't know how far that he was going to try and take it. What if she said something and it was all just her being a big baby? It wasn't until he kissed her that she knew that she needed to do something or he was going to do more awkward things. The kiss just felt incredibly wrong to her.. Like she was french kissing her brother and his breath tasted like booze which wasn't helping her currently sensitive stomach... Maybe puking on him would teach him a lesson about respecting her personal space.

"Dallas no! Get away from me! I'm married and pregnant." She reminded him with a harsh tone as she shoved him off of her. She didn't want to get violent but she couldn't stop herself from slapping him. "What the fuck do you even think that you're doing?" Was she really tearing up over this? Nothing had even happened but she felt so... helpless. How could she tell Jonathan in a way that he would believe that this had been all Dallas? She knew that she needed to tell him but this would look awfully suspicious since she had gone over there at night. "Do you even care about me at all? Or about anyone but yourself? I'm pregnant... I'm married and this could end my marriage. If my husband finds out then he could rightfully leave me all because you felt like kissing me."

She moved her hands to rest them over her growing baby bump and took a few slow steps backwards. She'd honestly never wanted Kevin to show up anymore than she did right now. There was no way in hell that she could ever overpower him if she needed to and he was clearly high out of his mind.. Anything that happened wouldn't even necessarily be his fault because he'd never remember doing it. "You're... you're being a pig." She snapped with a little too brave of a tone. Why wasn't she being smart and not saying anything? She should really not be talking shit when she was scared out of her mind that he was going to rape her. Why was she actually stupid enough to come here tonight? She knew just what she could be getting herself into.

Her heart was pounding so much that she was scared that it might actually fall out of her chest! If she felt this petrified then she could only imagine how scared that she must look on the outside. Ariel was doing little somersaults in her uterus and it was oddly reassuring until she remembered that this little girl would be his namesake. How could she name an innocent little human being after someone who she was currently scared of?

[Dallas Kennedy]

Whatever logic and sanity he still had inside his brain, it was screaming at him that he had just crossed a line that he wouldn't be able to come back from. He was only slightly aware of what he had done, but the little devil on his shoulder was telling him not to listen the the other side. The good side that was telling him to apologize and just call it a night. The good side that wanted to kick himself in the balls for that last move. 

Drugs are funny things though. They make a person do things he wouldn't ever think about. Kissing Esme was one of those things. The bad side was much more persistent and overpowering than anything else. "Jon doesn't have to know." He said, stepping closer to her again. He was registering that she was scared  but he couldn't stop for anything. It was like he no longer had control over his mind or body; like a brainwashed animal and a puppet master. 

"C'mon, Es." He said, moving in front of her. "No one has to know." He ran the back of his fingers along her arm and took one last step that left maybe four inches between their bodies. Dallas didn't even have the same sweet look in his eyes that he normally had. Instead, they were iced over like his reason, cold and empty. It scared him to think just how far that he was willing to go. And yet, he still pressed on, now just blatantly pressuring her.

"You remember the zoo, don't ya? Or when I first got my Chevelle and we fucked for two hours in the back seat?" He still had that same stupid smirk on his lips. His face was just now burning from the slap she had delivered to his cheek, but even that hadn't stopped him. He turned sadistically sweet when he pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. He had managed to pushed them back up against the wall. He had one hand on her hip, and one back on the wall. "C'mon, Es." He said, his face just inched from hers. 

[Esme Russel]

There he went again... Esme could barely breath as Dallas once again had her against a wall. Was he seriously willing to take it this far? "Dallas no! Stop it.. I'm scared, stop it." She didn't even know if he'd understand her now that she was damn near hysterically crying. "This isn't like you and I don't like it." She felt like a trapped little kitten being preyed upon by a big old lion during mating season. She didn't want this! She just wanted to be home with her husband and their daughter, was that so much to ask? She was mentally preparing herself for something sexual to take place. What if he'd gotten some strange disease from screwing random girls since Kat left? What if she passed it onto her daughter when she was born? She'd never forgive herself.

She pushed him off for the second time and once again slapped him as hard as she could before dashing into the kitchen. She needed something to use to protect herself in case he decided to try that non-sense again. She grabbed the closest thing to her which happened to be a frying pan and held it out in front of her as some sort of a threat. She probably didn't look very intimidating since she was still hysterically sobbing and now shaking a little bit. "Why would you do that? Why would you want to do something like that to me?" She didn't want to admit that she was still feeling helpless. She just needed to figure out a way to regain some level of control over the situation since he clearly held too much. 

Drugs were one of her greatest fears before this and now she could confidently say that she was going to beg Jonathan to never even so much as smoke weed again. "Kevin!" She didn't even know if he was home or not but screaming his name was worth a shot, right? If he was then he could come out here and help her control Dallas and if not then.. She didn't have her phone but she did have her frying pan so that could always help her get out if she needed to. She had never felt more pathetic in her entire life and that's including all of the times when Chase had hit her. Dallas was someone that she was supposed to be able to trust with everything and now he was someone who she feared more than anything.

She couldn't even bring herself to look at him.. Not when his eyes looked so cold like he was some kind of a monster and not the sweet best friend that she used to know.