Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2013 5:33:22 GMT -5
Isabel had months to prepare for this moment yet she found herself hopelessly unprepared to actually face the fact that she was seventeen and her mother was dying of breast cancer. She'd been spending more time at home and watched as she grew weaker and experienced more pain on a daily basis to where she could no longer function properly on her own. She couldn't stand to watch but she knew that she couldn't just walk away and leave because it was hard. Hell, if she was the type who walked away from difficult situations then she would have left Dylan months ago. She'd gotten the call to come down to the hospital at two in the morning from her father that said that it was getting close and that she really should come and say her goodbyes. She wasn't hysterical – she didn't even cry. She always expected that she would be such a mess that she couldn't possibly drive to the hospital but she managed just fine and walked in hand in hand with Dylan feeling like she was completely numb.
Maybe you just get use to feeling depressed sometimes and start to feel an indescribable nothingness.
It was strange to walk through the empty halls and know that this was the last time that she would walk here to visit her mother.. This would be the last time that she would ever visit her alive and a lump started to grow in her throat. She was about to step into room 41B when Dylan pulled her aside and wrapped his arms around her waist like he could sense that she needed a quick hug before she faced something that she had absolutely no doubt was going to be the hardest moment of her life. The scene inside the room was heart-wrenching but, again, she managed to not cry. She could do this! She could totally do this and be the strong anchor that her family clearly needed right now. Her father, who she never saw cry, was holding her mother's hand and weeping so loudly that it was blocking out the sound of the machines that her frail mother was attached to. “Bella...” She murmured as she reached a hand out for her daughter to hold, “Mama...” She whimpered as she held onto her hand and glanced back to Dylan.
“He came?” She raised a brow when she actually saw her mother smile a little and look over at Dylan like she was impressed even in this state. Almost every mother wants their child to be happy and her mother was no exception to this – she knew that her daughter loved Dylan and she wanted them to work if that's what made her happy, of course. “He came..” She whispered as she pecked her mother on the forehead. She could tell that every breath was more of a struggle than the last and it made her heart hurt. She whispered how much that she loved her, how perfect that she was as a mother and how wonderful that her childhood had been when suddenly her mom stopped the love fest and looked back over to Dylan, “Make sure he treats you right.” What was she suppose to say to that? Admit to her dying mother that sometimes she felt utterly worthless when she said those three simple words and he simply said he knew or something similar? No.. She knew that there was a time to tell the truth and there was a time to lie and say what she wanted to hear.
“He will... He'll treat me like a queen because he loves me.” The words felt foreign when they left her mouth like she knew in her heart that they weren't true; the fact that she had to whisper so Dylan didn't overhear was proof enough that they were not in love. “He will treat me just like you want me to be treated and we'll get married and.. have babies.. Beautiful grandchildren.. And we'll be so happy.. So so happy and fall more in love every single day.” She hated this – she hated lying to her during her final moments but it had to be done. How horrible would it be if she told her that she didn't think they'd last and wasn't sure if she would find someone who she wanted to be with?
She was holding her mother's hand when she took her final breathes and she was soon enveloped in someone's arms when the monitor started beeping indicating that her heart had stopped. She expected it to be her dad who was holding her but she quickly realized that it wasn't – he smelled like the nacho cheese Doritos that they had been sharing earlier at her apartment and she felt his hand slip up her shirt not sexually.. he was just running her fingertips along her back in the way that he always did to soothe her. She was hysterically crying but she knew that she wasn't just grieving the loss of her mother – she was grieving the relationship that she swore that she had that she knew that she would never get. She knew that children and marriage would eventually happen for her but it wouldn't necessarily be with Dylan. He was too young – he was only fifteen and she knew that he wouldn't be able to provide. She strongly believed that people loved to the best of their own ability and he was .. well he cared to the best of his ability which was understandably not on the same level as her's.
She spent the entire night crying and clinging onto Dylan's body as if he were her anchor and she was otherwise lost at sea.. And maybe that was true and it scared her. They hadn't been together long yet she knew that she would be lost if they broke up right now because she was putting everything into them despite everyone who believed that their relationship was wrong and scandalous because their mutual pasts and age difference.
She wasn't the big bad bitch that she acted like during the day.
She wasn't evil and she had real feelings; she felt just as worthless and empty on the inside as others yet she kept that inside because it's easier to pretend to be strong than to admit you're hopelessly weak.
Maybe you just get use to feeling depressed sometimes and start to feel an indescribable nothingness.
It was strange to walk through the empty halls and know that this was the last time that she would walk here to visit her mother.. This would be the last time that she would ever visit her alive and a lump started to grow in her throat. She was about to step into room 41B when Dylan pulled her aside and wrapped his arms around her waist like he could sense that she needed a quick hug before she faced something that she had absolutely no doubt was going to be the hardest moment of her life. The scene inside the room was heart-wrenching but, again, she managed to not cry. She could do this! She could totally do this and be the strong anchor that her family clearly needed right now. Her father, who she never saw cry, was holding her mother's hand and weeping so loudly that it was blocking out the sound of the machines that her frail mother was attached to. “Bella...” She murmured as she reached a hand out for her daughter to hold, “Mama...” She whimpered as she held onto her hand and glanced back to Dylan.
“He came?” She raised a brow when she actually saw her mother smile a little and look over at Dylan like she was impressed even in this state. Almost every mother wants their child to be happy and her mother was no exception to this – she knew that her daughter loved Dylan and she wanted them to work if that's what made her happy, of course. “He came..” She whispered as she pecked her mother on the forehead. She could tell that every breath was more of a struggle than the last and it made her heart hurt. She whispered how much that she loved her, how perfect that she was as a mother and how wonderful that her childhood had been when suddenly her mom stopped the love fest and looked back over to Dylan, “Make sure he treats you right.” What was she suppose to say to that? Admit to her dying mother that sometimes she felt utterly worthless when she said those three simple words and he simply said he knew or something similar? No.. She knew that there was a time to tell the truth and there was a time to lie and say what she wanted to hear.
“He will... He'll treat me like a queen because he loves me.” The words felt foreign when they left her mouth like she knew in her heart that they weren't true; the fact that she had to whisper so Dylan didn't overhear was proof enough that they were not in love. “He will treat me just like you want me to be treated and we'll get married and.. have babies.. Beautiful grandchildren.. And we'll be so happy.. So so happy and fall more in love every single day.” She hated this – she hated lying to her during her final moments but it had to be done. How horrible would it be if she told her that she didn't think they'd last and wasn't sure if she would find someone who she wanted to be with?
She was holding her mother's hand when she took her final breathes and she was soon enveloped in someone's arms when the monitor started beeping indicating that her heart had stopped. She expected it to be her dad who was holding her but she quickly realized that it wasn't – he smelled like the nacho cheese Doritos that they had been sharing earlier at her apartment and she felt his hand slip up her shirt not sexually.. he was just running her fingertips along her back in the way that he always did to soothe her. She was hysterically crying but she knew that she wasn't just grieving the loss of her mother – she was grieving the relationship that she swore that she had that she knew that she would never get. She knew that children and marriage would eventually happen for her but it wouldn't necessarily be with Dylan. He was too young – he was only fifteen and she knew that he wouldn't be able to provide. She strongly believed that people loved to the best of their own ability and he was .. well he cared to the best of his ability which was understandably not on the same level as her's.
She spent the entire night crying and clinging onto Dylan's body as if he were her anchor and she was otherwise lost at sea.. And maybe that was true and it scared her. They hadn't been together long yet she knew that she would be lost if they broke up right now because she was putting everything into them despite everyone who believed that their relationship was wrong and scandalous because their mutual pasts and age difference.
She wasn't the big bad bitch that she acted like during the day.
She wasn't evil and she had real feelings; she felt just as worthless and empty on the inside as others yet she kept that inside because it's easier to pretend to be strong than to admit you're hopelessly weak.