Trista's Room

[Trista Kline]

The abode of Trista Kline. The hardwood is covered in paint/ink, and art covers the walls. Her closet is small, and there's actually no clothes in it. It's there when she needs to escape.

[Trista Kline]

[ www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=95142905 ]
Trista sat cross legged on the floor of her room, back to the closet. Her phone was beside her with almost a full charge. She didn’t use it enough to actually put a dent in the battery. She used it to talk to three people. Her mother, Kyle, and Erik. Erik. She found herself in a relationship. She hadn’t planned it, it had just happened. Green eyes were stared at her hands. A part of her hated the fact that she’d done this and the other told her it was all necessary. She’d kissed another guy, multiple times, and she wondered if she’d let it happen for the right reasons.

It was hard not to compare the two, but were very different. When Kyle in a relationship, she found he didn’t spend as much time with her. When he stopped spending time with her, she started spending time with Erik. He’d been there when she spent nights in the closet thinking about everything. He was nice, he was kind, and he cared. It was all she could ask for. Right? Even now she wondered if any of this was alright. It just didn’t like it should. Shouldn’t she be happy that she’d found someone who really did care, who would hold her and kiss her whenever he felt like it? Yes, she was happy.

She thought about not even telling Kyle about it. It wasn’t lying, just leaving out the details. Very important details. She didn’t want to look him in the eye and tell him she was dating someone she didn’t truly love. No, she couldn’t think like that. She’d learn to love him, once her heart learned to let Kyle go. They were both in relationships now, so didn’t that mean they could both be equally happy? Was this selfish? So many questions ran through her mind. Even now she sat still in the silence of the night, waiting for Kyle.

Trista decided she had to tell him. It would eat away at her if she didn’t tell him something this big. He’d told her when he was dating someone, and he deserved the same courtesy. It wasn’t like things would change, he still didn’t love her. An ache rang in her chest, and she winced slightly. Some things just don’t change. She would find happiness in someone else. Erik cared he, he truly did. She wondered if this was what Kyle had felt like before telling her. No, because he didn’t love her. Was he just going to blow it off like no big deal? She hadn’t even given any thought as how to tell him. Her mind was a mess, and she almost thought about opening the closet behind her and hiding in it.

[Kyle Stockholm]

{ www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=95144754 }

Kyle was always willing to go to Trista's dorm. She rarely asked him over; usually they spent time together either out or at his house. So when she invited him to come by, he didn't hesitate. Unnaturally color coordinated, Kyle left his home in the blink of an eye and was before her door within seconds, only finding that pain when he realized she was just on the other side of the wood. He hadn't seen her in days. Honestly. It had been a while, what with being practically connected to Rachel. Rachel.. huh. That was.. that was becoming a bit of a sore subject. And that bothered him. Left him feeling awfully guilty for thinking of his girlfriend as anything but wonderful. Recently, though, if we're being honest, she'd started to become something of a mother. "Girlfriend" was beginning to not apply.

After letting himself in, Kyle looked around with shy eyes and called Trista's name quietly, only then spotting her on the floor. "Oh hello," he whispered with a gentle smile, slipping off his shoes and stepping towards her. Taking a seat before her, Kyle leaned on his hands and cocked his head to one side. Her presence, today, made him feel warm. It was a different warmth. Different from the cookies and hugs and kisses Rachel gave him. Different from the warmth even the sun gave him. It was a filling warmth; something that made him feel a little more human and a little less controlled. He felt free and healthy. Healthy.. disease ridden. She made him feel strong.

And all they were doing was sitting here.

"What's up?" he asked, still in a hushed tone as he tilted his head in the opposite direction now, attempting to lock onto her eyes. She was avoiding him, though, as usual. Well, more than usual. Or, what was really even usual anymore? He hadn't seen her in so long. It felt like they were meeting again. He missed her.

[Trista Kline]

It truly felt like the walls were closing in around her. In the silence her mind screamed and her heart pounded in her ears. Maybe she should just cancel and pretend none of this was actually real. She wanted to let him know, before he found out on his own. He didn’t deserve to be told from someone other than herself. It shouldn’t be difficult. Just tell him the truth, that’s all she had to do. But how? She couldn’t just be blunt, that wasn’t like her. She couldn’t just let it drop out of nowhere like Kyle had done to her. She didn’t think something like this could just be gently told.

Green eyes looked up when her door suddenly opened. She was surprised really. She hadn’t expected him to be over so quick, and even wondered if he’d already been on campus. She didn’t make a sound before he spotted her on the floor. The floor. She hadn’t meant to be sitting there when he arrived, but it was too late. “Hi Kyle,” she greeted him softly, taking in his features in the dim lighting of her room. He hadn’t been there often, and she never noticed it till now. Even now, in his presence, she felt safe, at ease. It was different than with Erik. With Kyle she felt whole, like he could see her for all her flaws and not close the book. And it hurt.

“I…” she struggled to find her words. She missed him, was the truth. She hadn’t seen him in what felt like eternity. Sitting before him, she didn’t want to mention Erik, or Rachel. She wanted to simply hangout with the one person she trusted with all her heart. “I just wanted to hangout, talk a bit,” she said trying to figure out how to go about touching the subject. “How have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while,” she tried to start a casual conversation, but it was eating away at the back of her mind. She had to tell him. He deserved to know.

[Kyle Stockholm]

"I've been alright," Kyle said. That one was sort of always a lie.. he was never alright. Never fine. Never really completely there. But the fact that that was a lie was irrelevant because it wasn't directed at her. It was just an automated response. Another wall. One he'd probably keep up for everyone.. even Trista. Even Rory. "Been missing you.. haven't seen you in a long while, you're right!" he said, trying to make it sound sort of enthusiastic, like the way best friends say they miss each other when its only been a day. "My brother's gonna be moving in with me and Rory this weekend. You gotta meet him. Or maybe not, he's a dick," Kyle added, trying to make this seem like a conversation. He could feel the awkward in the air: he'd thought it had gone away, and truthfully it had for a while. But it seemed t be back. And he knew she felt it too.

"I haven't been in your room in a while. You've gotta lotta new art up," he said later, looking around at the walls and pulling his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. A hand falling on top of his patch, fingers instinctively picked at the edges before turning his gaze back to Trista. He tilted his head again, unsure of what to say. Usually, Trista was quiet. But this sort of quiet that she was doing felt different. It was quieter than quiet. Not quite silent, because he knew that well. But awfully quiet, and it made him wonder.

He tilted his head opposite again.

[Trista Kline]

Alright. Such a normal response. It almost felt too automatic, but she didn’t wish to push into it. Why was everything simply alright? Things should be wonderful, he should be happy. A small tug at the corner of her lips was her response to him missing her. “I’ve missed you too,” it was quiet and simple, the truth. She wondered if he could tell just how much she missed him. She saw him often, a few glimpses of him in the hall as well. But to just be able to sit with each other without a care, she missed this. Maybe… maybe she could just push the Erik issue for another say. “You must be happy to have a family member with you,” she said, knowing form past conversations that the siblings usually got along.

Trista looked about the room taking in the new artwork she’d put up. A majority, as of late, had been all inspired by Kyle. He probably couldn’t tell, but they were all for him. Sometimes she thought of taking them all down, that it wasn’t right, but she knew that no one would appreciate them like she did. She could understand them, and that’s the only thing that mattered. “I suppose I do. I didn’t notice,” she said, eyes returning to Kyle. There he was, holding onto himself again like a child, and all she wanted to do was hold him. The air was heavy with restraint, and she knew she was the cause.

She returned to staring at her hands. The hands she’d used to caress Kyle’s face, the same hands she’d used to interlock fingers with Erik. Had she betrayed Kyle? No, but it felt like it. She hadn’t anticipated anything happening the day she went to hang out Erik. Things just sort of happened. It felt right, and she’d been happy. She didn’t feel neglected or ignored in the arms of someone else. “Do you know Erik Donally?” she asked softly, eyes refusing to look up. She didn’t know how to say this.

[Kyle Stockholm]

Kyle shrugged and nodded to the side when Trista said it would be nice to have family living with him. Zack was great, Kyle really loved him a lot. But the one thing about Zack was that he didn't understand. He was thick, awfully thick, and not much stuck with him. Not much, meaning anything about Kyle. His situation, his feelings, anything mental. Zack didn't get it. So as much as Kyle enjoyed his presence (because he really could be a fun guy), it tended to get pretty annoying how often Zack just expected 'normal' things out of him. "Yea Zack's kinda cool," he said finally before turning his head into his shoulder and biting at the sleeve of his jacket.

"Erik Donally," Kyle repeated, his face still mashed into his shoulder. "I know the name, can't put a face," he said a moment later, letting go of the fabric between his teeth and lifting his head. "Why, do I need to beat him up? He steal something? Hurt you? Or is he just a cool dude?" An attempt at humor. He was a bit shocked with himself for how freely that had come out. Humor had been hard to come by recently.

[Trista Kline]

When Kyle said Erik’s name, it didn’t sound right. It was almost the name itself wasn’t supposed to be said by him. It hurt. It shouldn’t feel like that. When she was alone with Erik things were easy. Sure, Kyle was in the back of her mind, but it was easier to focus on him Erik when Kyle wasn’t in her presence. Now, now she couldn’t avoid it. The idea of even telling him was sounding more and more impossible. Even now as he joked about it, poked fun. “No, there’s not need to beat him up,” she said lowly,” I’m not hurt.” She was hurting, just not physically. Or was she? It felt like her bones were aching under her skin.

She found a red paint stain on the floor and decided to focus on it. “He’s a very kind person,” she said, as if trying to reassure herself, and possibly him. There was a sad smile at how quick he’d been to protect her, or even threaten Erik. It meant more to her than he’d ever truly know. She bit her lip, trying to place the words together. “He… I… we…” she was trying to find something that would work. Nothing felt right. Nothing. The only thing right in the world was Kyle, but he wasn’t hers anymore, he never was.

Her hands were balled into small fists, the knuckles turning white. Her finger nails were digging into her palms, but she didn’t notice. Her heart was pounding. “We kissed,” she confessed quietly, barely audible past the two in the room. She could’ve simply told them they were dating, but the title wasn’t really something she wanted. It was true, she was now the girlfriend or Erik, but she didn’t like how it sounded. The kiss… kisses had been so much more complicated. Now, she wondered if she meant what she said back in his dorm room. Was this really what she wanted?

[Kyle Stockholm]

"Kissed?" It sounded too shocked. He said it rather abruptly, his head snapping to look at her, a worried look crossing his brow as it lifted into an arc above pouting eyes. Realizing, he shook his head and forced a smile. "Oh," he tried to giggle, "That's uh.. so are you guys like a thing now?"

It hurt. And suddenly, the entire universe was flipped. Kyle felt such a pain in his chest, a zinging pain of pure sadness. He'd partially convinced himself that this thing with Rachel was ending, that they wouldn't last. And he'd planned to try again with Trista. Just try. See if that's what had been bothering him. But he'd lost his chance, he was too late. She had someone now too. Someone she probably really liked.. someone she cared about. Someone she kissed.

"I gotta meet him," he said, still forcing a smile. "Gotta make sure he deserves you. You're a pretty great girl." Then it started. The tics. The last word came out, and Kyle's head was sent jerking hard to the left and away from Trista's face. Fingers dug into his biceps where they'd been resting gently and he felt the muscles in his stomach contracting against his spine. This hurt. This physically hurt. Entire body contorting, Kyle tried so hard to keep his cool, and stood. "I'm sorry," he said, speech slurred. "I forgot my patch today... I just uh.. I'm fine."

Fine.

Just fine.

[Trista Kline]

Trista had looked up slowly, green eyes searching for a reaction. His voice had come out of no where, like a question. She tried to read his face, his eyes. What was he really thinking? he appeared worried for a split second before faking something. She hated it when he celt the need to mask his emotions. She felt sorry. All she wanted to do was apologize. Shouldn't she be happy, happy for herself? This was her trying to move on, stop herself from loving someone who didn't love her. Erik and her were a thing. Why was it so hard to say out loud? "Yes, I suppose we are," she said, her clenched fists refusing to relax. She should've felt better, but she didn't.

She was having mixed emotions. She was happy, she found someone who appreciated her and would take care of her. But at the same time she wished it was Kyle who had held her and had stolen kisses just because. It wasn't though, and the faster she accepted that, the better off she'd be. Pained eyes took in the boy before her. She could see him retreating into himself, and she knew she was the cause. His mood had completely changed from when he first walked in. She was the cause. She was no good for him. She seemed only to be causing problems.

She shouldn't be so sad, but she was. She was about to respond when his muscled jerked him. "Kyle!" She exclaimed softly, eyes widening. She'd seen his fists, but this, this was something painful. He looked extremely uncomfortable and in a lot of pain. It made her heart ache and she struggled to take action. "Kyle," she said once more, sitting up on her knees," I'm so sorry." She reached out, arms circling around him again. She pulled him close, like she'd done in the woods. She knew she shouldn't be kissing his forehead and rocking him, but she did. She had too. It felt like the right thing to do, and she didn't regret it.