Carol's dorm

[Wyatt Parks]

“I love you too,” he said, “and you definitely should,” he added with a grin, it was apparent that she was ok, and that was a good thing, because he would have felt really bad if he had hurt her. Which was why he didn’t want to at first, even though she had been basically throwing herself at him, which was honestly surprising because when he first met her he had never thought that she would ever be doing that. It was kind of strange for him to think about it because when he’d met her, and how she pretty much hated him for wanting to have sex with her.

“You know, peeing after sex doesn’t really keep you from getting pregnant,” he said, he wasn’t sure where that comment had really come from, but he helped her up, so that she could go. Honestly it was a lot of work to help her around all the time, not that he was going to object or anything, but he would be glad when she got her cast off because it would make things a lot easier.

[Wyatt Parks]

Wyatt definitely felt like this conversation should definitely be in person instead of over text. It seemed to important to be discussing over the phone, although he had had a lot of conversations like that over text before, but that was a long time ago. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say to her when he got to her dorm, but there was something he wanted to say, and maybe it was the fact that the reason he didn’t want to be with Esme was because she would act like that. Not that he had ever thought to be in a relationship with Esme while they were fucking. It wasn’t until after that when he had called her a slut at a party he had realized how bad of a couple they would have actually been.

See he couldn’t be with Esme like that because they would have constantly cheated on each other for one. It was boring to have the same old thing over and over again, and then he met carol, and she wasn’t the usual slut, and she wasn’t easy, and she was nice and she just meant everything to him. He really didn’t want her to turn into a slut like Esme because then what would be the point? He could have just been like Esme. He really liked the Carol that he had met the first time when she was so innocent, and maybe he had changed in the past year. Maybe he was the one that changed and she had always been that person.

Wyatt wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to say all that since he wasn’t the best speaker in the world, but when he got to her dorm, he did that whole knock while you’re opening the door thing. Since it didn’t really matter right now if she was like changing or something, since he had seen her named enough times. “Hey I felt like we should talk about this in person,” he said, still standing in the door way. He pushed his hair back out of his eyes.

[carol]

Carol was curled up in her bed, ten minutes into Cruel Intentions because that's what she did when she was upset. She got in bed, gave Hanna treats, and watched her favorite movie.
She tried thinking back to the beginning of her and Wyatt's relationship. Back when things were so innocent and new...back when she was innocent and new. She even remembered their first date. How she'd dressed up and had to try so hard to catch her breath. How she'd told him that books were the key to her heart and gave him some stupid nickname that she could barely remember now.
She could remember those first few weeks when she was terrified of saying something stupid, and constantly did just that. When double dates with Kegan and Thalia always ended with an argument until they kissed and made up. Back when he was the one making mistakes...lately it'd been all her fault.

She scrolled back through the conversation in the Somer chat, and couldn't help but be embarrassed. She honestly wasn't paying attention when she originally posted, and she'd switched tabs at exactly the wrong moment. But even saying what she did...Yeah, maybe that was hot. It could be. Some guys were into that, but...Wyatt never had been. At least not with her. He'd gotten with his fair share of sluts, but he'd chosen to stay with her because she wasn't like that.
Had she changed? Had she really strayed so far from herself? She looked over at the mirror by her bed, but quickly had to look away. She didn't even recognize herself. She leaned across her bed and grabbed a baby wipe and ran it across her face. She pulled off the fake eye lashes and wiped off the lipstick. She scrubbed at her foundation until she saw a bit of real skin.
What had she been doing? It was like she dropped all of her morals and everything she believed in to become this...this...mockery of who she truly was. She couldn't even remember the last time she felt like herself, not fully. The farthest she could go back to was...when Wyatt cheated with Esme.

It'd been so long, over a year ago now, but something had changed in their relationship — in her — that day. She was so invested in their short relationship, and she felt like her entire world fell apart at the sight of Esme's bare ass and her boyfriend seeming so utterly... It was like somewhere in her mind, behind the obvious hurt, a flip switched. Somewhere in her subconscious, she convinced herself that was what Wyatt wanted. She heard the way Esme was talking to him, the way she was acting and how much he seemed to like it...She thought that was what he needed to be happy. So she slowly but surely became...a baby Esme. Well the old Esme, anyway.
And that hadn't gotten any better the more she hung around Isabel. It was like Is was her enabler. She encouraged her to talk about her sex life, and she soon picked up how to talk and act like — for lack of a better word — a whore. And people seemed to like her more. She was homecoming queen, people acted like she walked on water after she broke her leg...the more racy things she did and said...people loved her for it.
Everyone but the one person who meant the most to her.

She was waiting on a text back from him when he was walking into her room. A part of her wanted to cry out of embarrassment of the fool she'd been, another part wanted to just jump up and hug him and apologize, but she stayed put. It had probably been a good few months since Wyatt had seen her without at least some make up. Not that she was really hiding her face from him...it had just become apart of who she was now. A part of this...sham she'd become.
She bit her bottom lip, and swallowed a limp in her throat when he pushed his hair out of his face. Was this the first time he'd done that in forever? Because it sure seemed like the first time she'd noticed it. She used to love it when he did that. Ran his fingers through his long hair, and refused to tell her what shampoo he used until the first time she showered in his room.
"You smell like me now."
She smiled at the memory, surprised that she actually remembered something so silly. And yet...the silly things were their best memories. Beach trips. The bowling alley. The park. Sonic. Making out in his car...All before she'd become this...shell of a person.

She sat up in her bed and shifted, making her now very chubby cat scurry under the bed.
She looked down at her fur ball, and then up at Wyatt. "Remember when Hanna was a baby?" She knew he would. He bought her, and they became a little family. Or at least that's how she thought of it. Wyatt, Carol, and Hanna Noel. It was perfection. But now...
"Yeah, I guess we need to talk, huh?" She tucked a pieced of hair behind her ear and leaned against the wall. She wasn't sure if she should just start apologizing now, so she just shut her mouth and waited for him to call her an idiot. But she knew him better than that. Wyatt was a lot of things, but he wasn't mean. It was probably because of that fact that he didn't bring this up sooner, even if he should have. He never wanted to hurt her, because of their rocky past.

She patted the bed next to her and waited for him to sit so they could talk. It would have surely been easier if she didn't have to look at him, but there were some things that couldn't be avoided. They needed to get to the root of the problem rather than just brushing over it like they had been doing.

ooc:
I'm sorry it's so long XDD

[Wyatt Parks]

Thanks for writing me a novel Hailey XD

“To answer your question…” he started, referring to her question from the text she had sent him, “Yes, I do still love you,” he sat down next to her, he wasn’t sure where he was going with that, “I’m can’t just stop loving you after everything, even though most of it was my fault, and I realize that, but to be honest, I’m probably not the same person I was last year either,” he was just hopping from one subject to another, because he wasn’t sure where he wanted to go with this, and what he was going to say. It was hard for him to tell her how he felt even now that he’d known her for a year and after everything he’d said. He just wasn’t good at dealing with his feelings.

“I just… I really do love you and I don’t want to hurt your feelings or anything, It’s just that if I wanted to be with Esme I could have, I could have dumped you that night at the bowling alley, and been with her, and I might have ended up with a kid, and I don’t think I could handle that as well as Jon does,” he was getting off topic, but it was true. Honestly had he been with Esme them being as irresponsible as they were there was a chance that if they were together he would have a kid by now. Honestly he was glad he didn’t. “I would probably be a fail of a father,” he said, “but anyway, I know this isn’t what you want to hear….” He didn’t really want to say it either because he was too scared of hurting her feelings. Or of her reaction to what he was about to say.

“Maybe it’s just me… but you seem so different from the Carol that I met that day at the pool. It’s not that I don’t want you or something like that, it’s just the way you tell everyone this stuff, and now Isabel thinks I have something wrong with my penis, and well you know that’s not true but I mean I don’t appreciate having the whole world know that stuff, and maybe I didn’t used to care about it, but like I said I guess I changed too, and maybe it’s because I don’t sleep with girls like that anymore,” when he was sleeping with a bunch of girls it was like a game, and it was something to brag about, now though? It just seemed like stupid.

“When I used to sleep with all those girls they could go around talking about me, because I don’t know if all girls do that or not but it didn’t matter because I didn’t care, I didn’t have to see them the next day, and I didn’t care that they got called a slut, do you remember when Carolyn or whoever posted those pictures of you in the burn blog?” He was asking her that question because even then she had acted so different then she was acting today. “I know it’s different but I just think that even then you didn’t want to seem like a slut to other people, and when you do stuff like that it makes you seem like that’s something that people like, I mean I know that I used to like it, but It was because it was easy, if I wanted that then I could have had that and I guess somewhere inside of me I just wanted a real relationship, with a real girl instead of just sleeping around.” He was really getting nowhere with whatever point he was trying to make so he figured he should stop talking and pretending like he knew what he was talking about.

“I if I wanted that then I wouldn’t be with you, I love you no matter what, but if you think that I like that I really don’t I just want to be with you Carol.” He looked at her and saw that for once she wasn’t wearing makeup, had she been crying? This whole time he had been avoiding looking into her eyes because he didn’t want to know how she was going to react to what he was saying. When he did he honestly wanted to take it all back. He remembered back when he told her that her eyes were a gorgeous blue color, and that was still true, she was still the same person. “I still love you,” he said, as he hugged her. Hoping she didn’t hate him for everything he had just said.

[carol]

Carol hugged him back, and then took his hand in hers. Back when they first started dating, she used to play with his fingers all the time. Now they barely held hands. Even before she was in the chair, she mostly just wanted him by her side, rather than holding onto him like that. Not that she was ashamed of him, far from it. It was just...easier to uphold her image when she could just stand there and look fabulous.

"I guess...I think we both did change, you know? But my change wasn't a good one," she looked down at his fingers. "You've become this...mature, thoughtful, caring...man, and I'm..." she sighed and shook her head. "An annoying, wannabe ho-bag." She laughed a little at her own joke, and looked back up at him.
"I don't know what happened. I mean, honestly...I know it seems like forever ago, but things changed on that camping trip last year." She didn't feel the need to explain that one, because he would know exactly what she was talking about. "I think...when I heard how Esme was talking and acting and how you...you seemed to want that so much more than me..." she shook her head. She didn't want to have to say this to him, because she was afraid he wouldn't understand.

"If we're being open and honest...I didn't think you wanted to be with me anymore, because I was quiet in bed and sex was always making love for me and...I thought you wanted someone like her. And then when you broke up with me, it kind of cemented it to me that was what you wanted.
"I mean yeah, we got back together, but we would be liars if he sat here and pretended that everything was the same after that. It wasn't. I've never loved someone has much as I love you, and...I don't think I'll ever really be over that. And there's not really anything either one of us can do. I'll just always feel inadequate because to me, it feels like she's the one that got away for you. Esme settled down and has a baby and another on the way, and I feel like...if that hadn't happened, you'd be with her, and Cooper would still be collecting my hair."
She looked back up at him and gave him a weak smile. "I know you love you. And that's just it — I know you love me, but I don't feel like I'll ever be good enough. Like there's always going to be some girl who's hotter and sexier and...I mean, honestly. I'm not sexy. You've said it yourself. I'm just...not. So I feel like I have to act a certain way for you to want me. It's like I know logically that if you wanted a girl like that, you could easily have twelve of them, but I'm always going to be afraid of losing you."
She realized that she didn't make any sense. She should know Wyatt enough that he would stay with her, but he was being honest with her, so she was going to explain herself. They were never going to fix anything if she just swept her feelings under the rug like she had been doing.

"I just...I wanna go back to us. I...I miss us. I miss how easy it was between us, and maybe it's all my fault, but I just...I love you so much." She laced her fingers through his and pulled it up to her mouth. She kissed the back of his hand just like she used to and smiled a little. It felt really good to finally get all of that off of her chest.

[Wyatt Parks]

“You’re not an annoying wannabe ho-bag and honestly after that whole camping thing, I didn’t feel like I was good enough for you, it was like when Kegan said that I wasn’t good enough it really hit me, and I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, and at first I thought that was gonna be the way to fix everything, I didn’t want to be with Esme, I never wanted to be with Esme in the way I wanted to be with you, we were just fuck buddies and now we’re friends, and I know you hate it, “ that was no where he was supposed to be going with that.

“I don’t think that I ever wanted to be with Esme, just take a second to imagine us being a couple, I don’t even think I could put up with her like Jon does, because she honestly can get a little annoying sometimes, and we would probably be cheating on each other the entire time because even if she put out, It still wouldn’t feel the same as it does with you, and I’d probably still be looking for that, I don’t think that we could be together even though—well never mind the point is that it never would have worked out anyway so you shouldn’t worry about our past because you’ll always be more important, and the one that I stuck with.” For once he had actually said something that made some sense in his head and that had to be a step in the right direction.

“I never said that—“ he started to respond to her thing about the fact that she wasn’t sexy but he stopped, “Did Brielle tell you what I said because I told her not to tell you that… I mean what you are sexy, honestly, It doesn’t matter what you say or how you act I’m always gonna want it, but you know once you get that cast of we can fuck like bunnies, but I really don’t feel like helping you break your leg again because pushing you around all the time is a lot of work,” he laughed even though he didn’t think she was going to find it all that funny. “Don’t think you have to change for me, because if I wanted someone else, and not you then I wouldn’t be here right now would I?”

[carol]

Carol half smiled and snuggled closer to him. She knew he was right. If he didn't want her and he didn't want to e with her, he'd have left already. He wouldn't be over here talking to her. He'd probably have taken up her original offer to suck his dick like she was mad at it. She couldn't believe she'd acutally said that. Hilarious? Yes. Sexy? Mehh...the more she thought about it, the more she realized that the best sexual experiences she and Wyatt had were when they were just being them. Maybe they'd done it in a few sketchy places, but at least when that was going on she didn't feel the need to put on an act.
"No, I guess you're right. " she paused and looked up at him. "Doesn't that feel nice to hear after always being wrong?" She laughed, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

She then remembered something else he'd said and figured since the fight (if you could really call it that) seemed pretty much over, she could ask.
"And Brielle never told me anything, what are you talking about? I haent really even spoken to Brielle since...I don't know, since that burn blog thing. I just don't want to know, but...why did you ask?" With the not being sexy thing, she'd actually been referring to a pool conversation they'd had over a year ago where he told her something. Along the lines of she was only pretty. Which she'd accepted. She knew she wasn't sexy like Esme used to be or Avery or Thalia. But even so, she still wished he looked at her and thought damn, I am so lucky to have her. Kegan was always talking about Thal being smoking hot, Avery's boyfriend apparently treated her like an angel, and Wyatt was perfect as well.. she just wished that she was one of those sexy girls. But she was never going to be that for him.

[Wyatt Parks]

“Oh it does feel good to be right,” he laughed, “Oh yeah about that though…” he said, “I had a conversation with her after the whole burn blog thing, she’s really sweet, and I feel like I’ve been with you forever, and it’s kinda like family, but I mean I hope that’s not weird, but I think I kinda ended up making her feel bad about herself, because she slept with max or something,” he shrugged. “It’s a little bit too late to fix that mistake now, but it’s not like I have any right to say anything since I’m not that much better,” he knew that was true, it wasn’t like he didn’t used to do the same thing as Max.

“So she asked me how I knew I was in love with you, and I just basically said that when I met you, you weren’t the sexiset girl around but you were the one that caught my eye you know, and I wanted to be with you, and even though you think you’re not as sexy or hot as other girls, I’ll always pick you because you would probably cut my balls off if I cheated on you again, ok well I didn’t say that but you know you might not look like the girls I used to go for,” he really tried to word that carefully, “You’re always sexiest girl in my eyes,” he said.